To find or be found?

If a man's job is to "find" a 'good thing', should women be positioning themselves to be found?

This may not be a widespread concern and possibly not even a fleeting thought for most women, but I know a handful of women of whom toil over and toss this question/concern around. As a single woman who often goes around family and life-long friends, that constantly (yet lovingly) nag me about when I plan on settling down, I must admit, its something I've been guilty of mulling over as well.

From this vantage point, it seems the men have it easier. All they must do is pursue a woman, in hopes of finding one worthy of being called a "good thing" and make her their wife. The chase, the wooing, the commitment are all cards HE gets to play. Meanwhile, SHE acquiesces, in hopeful expectation that the 'HE that findeth', will stumble upon her (of all candidates) and be content with his choice.

Whether that's the reality or not, my question is: How does a woman position herself to be found?
Does she, "accidentally-on-purpose" join a church with a high percentage of available men?
Does she get dolled up each weekend to frequent the hottest lounges with her girls?
Does she accept every invite to a singles party?
Does she join Christian Mingle?

What's the method? Our society has come a long way from arranged marriages, and presents various forms of hook-ups as well as different viewpoints on who should pursue whom?

So is this scripture (Proverbs 18:22) outdated? Is it even relevant? Can a woman (go) find her 'good thing' in a man & still 'receive favor from the Lord'? Hmmm

I'm not settled on the issue (as I have female friends who have pursued their husbands & both are walking with the Lord); and I dare not say the scripture is outdated. I choose to believe (much like John Eldridge, author of "Wild at Heart") that there is a certain wildness and pursuit built into men just as a desire to be rescued is wired into women. As Christ pursued us to His heart, I like to believe men should pursue women unto their hearts.

I've experienced the secret of 'being found'. 11 years ago, much like Ruth (Ruth 1:16), I moved home from college to serve in my home church. While I devoutly committed myself to using the gifts God had given me, a Boaz of sorts (not my Boaz) 'found' me & inquired of me (see Ruth 2:5). We dated for some time and I must admit, God used that relationship to show me that what I thought was impossible--is WITH HIM, possible.

I still believe today, that though I prefer my couch, sweet tea and a nice book to the weekend street life; this has nothing to do with me "being found". The positioning (if any) a woman must do, has everything to do with her heart. Who & what she gives her time serving to is all the positioning she needs to be found. God can maneuver us into 'fields' where men might 'redeem' us and find their 'good thing'.

Pursued

You didn't look so intriguing at first glance

took me by the hand

wooed me with every chance

but still I was reluctant.

Your swag had no appeal

relentless efforts to seal the deal

not wanting to fall for something real

cuz then my will...I'd have to yield.

You did not catch my eye

sittin with you, while watching others that passed by

loose from your grip, wishing I could pry

not realizing harder, you would try.

Until I walked away

other gods put on display

Your Word beckoning for me to stay

like the seduction of an entree'.

Pursuit then took a turn

desperate for you, I did yearn

thirsty, panting...eyes to the Son.

Reniging on my chosen course

realizing You were my first

now I harbor no remorse

believing all of Your reports

I am who You say I am

therein lies the secret to my chains

releasing all those bitter pangs

causing me to throw up my hands!

*As I read Romans 11 today, I was enticed to think about my "engrafting" and saw my "chosen nation, royal priesthood" in a different light. Though the passage was deep...the Holy Spirit broke it down in the bite-size pieces he knows I often need and revealed to me more mysteries of my Master...futher helping me see that I am indeed a "friend" (b/c I know what the Master is doing). And tho i cant see the whole picture, I saw enough to cry, "HOLY HOLY HOLY...I am a woman of unclean lips...but I have seen the Lord..."

And this was the palpatation of my heart, after my praise went up.

No Grinch, no Glory

Those few days when Christmas movies begin to show on regular TV, Christmas music starts playing in stores and holiday décor begins to go up, is simply the sweetest few days of the year.

Tonight, I accidentally watched "How the Grinch Stole Christmas", and I'm ashamed to say that I never really cared to watch it before, much less tonight. The 30 minute cartoon, however, was quite impressive as Dr. Seuss poetically unfolded a timeless truth wrapped in a heartfelt, humorous short-story.

The "Who's" of Who-ville, to me, represented a community of people (hopefully believers) who find no lasting value in material things; yet venture to allow the giving of those things be an outpour of the love already overflowing in their hearts.

"Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Whos would start singing!"

I'd like to think their singing came from a place of deeper joy over their relationships amongst each other. And though, to the Grinch, it was viewed that Christmas to the Whos was more about presents and décor; that community of Whos knew better. Christmas was a representation of something deeper and a reason to celebrate rather than a celebration, itself.

It took affliction to reveal this truth.

"Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the Whos' feast!
He took the Who-pudding! He took the roast beast!
He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.
Why, that Grinch even took their last can of Who-hash! "
The removal of the material; the absence of the tangible and the loss of the physical gifts, however, were unable to rob the Whos of what really mattered--love.

"Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small,
Was singing! Without any presents at all!

He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming!
IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!"
So whether it was Dr. Seuss' intention of revealing an underlying spiritual truth or to simply reiterate the meaning of Christmas (as it were to pagans); I contend that believers can take a timeless truth from this short-poetic story:

True joy can be found only in Jesus Christ. Once we've accepted the gift of God's Son as our payment for sin & understood the value of walking with Him as we wait to spend eternity with Him, how we interact with others will begin to be the overflow of our hearts. No material possession or temporary gift can rob us of WHO lives in our hearts and lovingly cares for us. The enemy might bring affliction, loss, and live up to his mission of 'killing, stealing and thieving' (as God allows), but the absence of 'things' shouldn't halt the singing of our hearts. May your trials, issues and affliction, however, reveal the true joy that lies deep within. And maybe, like the Grinch, this holiday season will remind you of or reveal to you that...

"..Christmas," ... "doesn't come from a store. 
...Christmas... perhaps... means a little bit more!"
~Dr. Seuss "How the Grinch Stole Christmas"

{Proverbs 17:1; Romans 8:38-39}

Keep calm & have faith!

We used to play this team building game where some people would wear blindfolds and pick a partner to lead them through a maze safely using only their words. It was always very scary for the person wearing the blindfold, yet very comfortable for the person giving the instruction.

People say all you have to do is have faith as if faith is easy.

From my vantage point, faith increases as you step out and dare to believe.
But it's not as easy as it sounds.

If a person was seeing all of their life and suddenly went blind, their world, as they know it, would change. Complete independence would swiftly change to complete dependence. Their lifestyle patterns would change. Things they use to do on their own, would now become something they'd need to trust someone else to do. Help with walking, paying bills, working on their job, eating and all the other day to day routines would revamp.

The same is true of a person who needs to have faith. We have learned to provide for ourselves, and fend for ourselves, operate on our own timelines, get up and go when need be.

All these routines set in place are, to a degree, expected to drastically change when faith is implemented. Faith is very similar to trusting someone else with your life and the details therein. It's hoping, without knowing whether answers will come or if doors will open. It's believing that God has your best interest at heart. It's the expectation you have in that stressful wait time between asking for your need and the answering of that request.

Going from seeing (providing for yourself) to blind (trusting someone else to see for you and guide you) is never easy. It's scary, it's uneasy and unsure. It's relinquishing the control we so desperately want to have.

Yet God lovingly requires it from us, stretches us to that end, proves His faithfulness through it and is pleased with us when we execute it. (Without faith it's impossible to please God.)
And with every trial that requires our faith, we are squeezed just a bit tighter than the last trial. That pressure, in turn, forces us to stretch our faith just a bit further than the last. What's amazing is, if in fact we utilized faith in the previous test, we have the "umph" needed to conjure up the faith for the current test. Not only that, but we can draw upon Gods record of faithfulness in our past, to get us over that chasm of uncertainty.  Either way, it's still blind, and still just as difficult and uncomfortable.

In light of these discoveries, I often find myself relating to the guy in the gospels, who confessed, "Lord, I believe, but help my unbelief."

Multiply or Divide? Discipleship is Math!

This was a difficult concept when I taught 5th grade. My students would always stare at a word problem like a deer caught in headlights and immediately I knew I had to give them the tools to decide whether the problem was a multiplication or division problem.

I faced a similar question when I was handed the reigns in college to facilitate a bible study group of young college women that would later become the Impact Movement on Baylor's campus. The lady who discipled me would encourage that as the bible study group grew in number, it would be time to "multiply" (splitting the group and allowing the lady who I discipled to lead a section of the group whom I facilitated). However, the ladies and I never could see it that way because we had developed this close knit family that had grown comfortable through fellowship and sharing our lives every Thursday night from 7-10pm. We didn't want to multiply our group because it felt too much like a division of our bond. We were like a deer caught in headlights deciphering whether this was a good idea or not. Yet we trusted her advise because she, being in the same season as us (singlehood), had already built such a relevant bond with us.

Here I sit, some 13 years later, wondering what would happen if we had not heeded the wisdom of our fearless leader encouraging us to multiply our group. What if we had stayed together? Our multiplying led to ladies discipling other ladies and I see the fruit of that as some of my best friends live lives devoted to full time ministry, some infuse ministry in their corporate jobs, others worship the Lord through their married lives and in raising their children.

Saturday night, I sat with a few of these ladies and in fact with the lady who began it all--Lori Joiner. Not only is she the author of "Disciple Women", but she is the very woman who has walked out every practical piece of advice in the book! Of which I am a witness to and product of! Her faith as she meandered her relationships with the opposite sex, is what has strengthened me to wait on my future mate this long.

Now, she is married (8years strong) with 2 boys and still finds a way to gush out advise relevant to this small group of women who are in (now) very different seasons of life. As we went around the table sharing the ins and outs of our current lives, she intently listened and found ways to encourage us both individually and collectively. As she divulged her own life to us (weaknesses and all), she still managed to teach us about the Lord and what He requires from us through her transparency.

Yes, discipleship is transparency and multiplication. Make no mistake. No division can be found within this type of relationship. The four women who sat around that table are reaching more lives today, because one woman reached ours...years ago! Now, that's math!

Mini-Bar Syndrome

Staying in hotels are a fantasy land for me! I crave the lush beds and spacious luxury rooms with cable TV and indoor heated pools! Sometimes its just a great escape from regular life.

Oh but there is a great evil amongst all the wonderful amenities of hotel life. Its the mini-bar. Fully stocked with liquor (in nicer hotels), bottled water, unhealthy snacks that make your mouth water and all within arms reach. No need to go all the way to the ice machine down the hall to buy a soda or downstairs to the lobby to purchase a midnight snack; simply open the door of the mini-bar and take what you need.

The irony of the concession the mini-bar offers is the luring temptation it has as often times items sit out and appeal to your current desires. After that long day of walking, you get back to your room to find a tall clear bottle of Avian water sitting next to a delicious looking candy bar. Both promising to restore your energy and/or simply tickle and satisfy your appetite for a quick snack.
And should you give in to the desire, upon check-out your credit card and hotel bill will reflect the consequences of your indulgent behavior. That water you could have spent $3 for a case of 24 on now has cost you $8 for one bottle. And that pack of M & Ms that could have been 2 for $1 was the most expensive piece of chocolate you've ever eaten.

Sin is no different. Its luring temptation often strikes at the most opportune moments of weakness or desires. It appeals to our inner cravings and promises to fill us to satiety. Not long after we've given in, regret sets in as we begin to reap the consequences sin inevitably brings. Its' been said "Sin takes you further than you are willing to go, keeps you longer than you are willing to stay and costs more than you are willing to pay".

The Holy Spirit is the ONLY power strong enough to keep us from yielding to the mini-bar syndrome. Memorizing scripture and disciplining ourselves are great practices but those 'things' don't break our desire for sin, alone. We must couple those things with prayer that the Lord would curb our appetites from sin to pleasing Him. Then the mini-bar won't be as tempting.

You are who you attract!

What once began with "Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you what you are", later became "a man is what he eats". (Anthelme Brillat-Savarin. Ludwig Andreas Feuerbach.)

What was meant was "the food one eats has a bearing on what one's state of mind and health are." In other words, the two are directly related. Sort of a cause and effect or domino effect if you will.

I contend the same is true of the statement "You are who you attract". Meaning 'the people you attract (both friendships and relationships) have a bearing on where your state of mind/heart are'

For a few years I judged my love for God by the things I most publicly did. The bible studies I facilitated, the sincere time I spent helping others, and the Christian events I attended. But if one took a magnifying glass to my relationships with the opposite sex, they would have found me fraternizing with men who were nothing like the God I claimed to love & teach about. One could say I was living quite the double life. Claiming to want a godly man (one who feared and served God) yet quick to contact the ones in my "black book" who could swoon me and secretly satisfy my lusts.

Upon reading a book, I began to wonder why I was attracting these "bugga-wolves" (I like to call them) and I quickly came to realize that it was me. Like attracts like. I attract sexual guys because I wanted to be sexual (lets keep it real). I wanted a pure man to desire me, but I didn't want (myself) to be pure; although deep down I thought I did.

Once I made a decision to starve myself from the ugly (yet natural desires I had) and lose myself in what God wanted for my life, godly men poured into my life for the following 10 years. Every man that pursued me (with an serious intent) was someone who was walking with the Lord and admired me (from a distance) because they saw the same in me.

As I look at my circle of friends, I can sincerely say that the people I keep closest are those who (aren't perfect) but strive to keep short accounts with God, seek accountability, serve others and want their lives to reflect Gods love to others. This has made my life very rich and overflowing as these women keep me sharp (in character). Furthermore, I don't have to hope for a godly man, I know one will find me 'gleaning in my field' (Ruth 2) someday.

Huck has a point!

 

"He controls me...he still controls me"
"He owns me, Liv, he owns me!"

The closing moments of Scandal's Season 3, Episode 3 were gut wrenching for most Gladiators as one of our favorite characters and seemingly stoic assassin breaks down in tears.

Who thought Huck could be controlled by something other than his innate desire to kill? But after watching this episode, we find out that the one man (Olivia's Dad) who is responsible for his need and ability to kill is the very one who has the power to steer Huck's wrath towards whatever target he so chooses.

Huck finds himself "owned" by another and out of a position of control over his own actions. And here we find this statuesque, meek, protector of a man frustrated at his slavery to another.

Oh, if only we would be as broken over the sin in our lives and the slavery it points to.
Romans 6 & 7 talk about this very struggle. How we, as believers, still have sin within us (the desire to sin) but we also have the nature of God (His Spirit) living within causing a tug-of-war (of sorts) between a desire to do what's right, and a strong itch to give in to our innate desire to do wrong. (Rom. 7:23-26)

Both passages describe our life before we invite Christ in: as slaves to sin. Under sin's control. Sin owns us!!!! I imagine us being like Huck, unable to escape our mental depravity or the 'army of evil desires' within us (James 4:1) and feeling frustrated to tears, in light of this!

But our situations doesn't have to be/end as bleak as Huck's did. Though we are (can be) slaves to whatever masters us, the good news is, we don't have to be! Paul so eloquently ends the 7th chapter of Romans by proudly stating, "Who can free us from this control? Thank God for Jesus Christ who delivers us!"

A Wolf can only Hide in Sheep's Clothing for so long

Beware when leasing a car from a used car lot. They will sell you a car as if its brand new! You know, same price, polish the outside, vacuum the inside, let you know the tags are up to date and don't have to be renewed for a year, tell you all the great things about it and hand you your keys as if you've just won a prize!

Try asking for the Blue Book report on the car, though. They might start giving you the run around and trying to change the subject. What they don't want you to know is that though the car looks good and was only used "a few times by a Rental company"; its about a month away from needing 4 new tires, about 2 months away from needing new brakes, the previous owner smoked and that none of the factory pieces have been changed since it was new.

People, be careful. When you meet a new girl or guy, they will sell themselves as the perfect mate for you. They might dress the part, shove the 'selective' resume of their life in your face (you know, all the great things they've done, and the church they attend) and say/do all the thoughtful things you've been looking for. The outside of the "car" might look great and peak the excitement for purchase. Your family and friends might even buy into them & give you kudos for finding such a good person.


Beware, though...try finding out the blue book report on this person. Not to shove their past in their face, but a persons' past plays a role in their future to some degree. If a person was in an unhealthy relationship before yours, don't think they will automatically become a healthy mate for YOU. People don't change for people. People change because God does a work in their life. People bring unhealthy habits into new relationships and try to cover them like a dealership tries to cover the cigarette smoke with a new car smell air freshner. But the stain is too deep. The upholstery either needs to be changed or steam cleaned. The same is true with your "mate".

Be careful, before getting serious, that you observe patterns of how people behave in the low moments of your life. How do they handle disappointment, rejection, loss, anger, etc. These qualities tell you more about a person than their words concerning how they feel about you.
"A wolf can only stay in sheep's clothing for so long."

Race for the Cure

When I think about the different Hollywood stars whose lives are affected by the onslaught of a certain disease whether in their personal life or that of a family member, a few people come to mind.

Nancy Brinker, who founded the Susan G Komen after losing her sister to Breast Cancer, dedicated her life to raising money for Cancer research.

Toni Braxton, upon dealing with the struggle of a special needs child, has become vocal about Autism and a spokesperson for early detection.

When people's lives become a victim of an undetected, crippling or deadly disease it changes their world. It leads them down roads they never planned to walk. Their passions and ambitions change and become the guiding force in their lives. Their new focus is to use all of their faculties, resources, and know-how, to help transform the lives of others who may be affected or could possibly become affected.

This very process clearly outlines what is expected of a transformed believer. Once we come to realize the deadly and crippling virus of sin we have been infected with (causing us to hate the very things of God); yet accept the gift of eternal life through God's Son, Jesus, we are given a chance to become change agents. Our new passion and ambitions to see people's lives changed by this "Good News", should become the guiding force in our lives. How we treat people, how we love, what we say and do should be the intentional focus as it serves as our resources for helping people come in contact with the CURE!

In this manner, our lives and love become the vocal platforms from which we warn and equip others in efforts to win more spokesmen for the Gospel.

1 + 1 does NOT = 2

Our society is strictly proof based. Everything is scientific and exact. It must be explained or has to be explained in order to be reasonable or true.

Too often I find myself adopting this same mindset when it comes to God. After soaking in the stories of others and observing their lifestyles and the outcomes therein, I tend to take inventory of my own issues and situations. I scrutinize the outcomes that are a result and try to fit it into this equation I've formulated.

"If I strive to live right + have a heart that desires to do God's will = I will struggle."

                                                        BUT

"If I wild out + do what I want = God will give grace and send me the things I desire!"

My problem? Candidly speaking, what am I supposed to think when someone I know purposely lives a loose life, and then meets an amazing guy who is wholly committed to them and ends up turning their life around.

What do I say when someone I know doesn't care about God and does everything to provide for themselves, then their lives end up prosperous, able to successfully meet their needs and pay off debt?

In short, why do bad people end up living the good life; all the while, good people suffer?

And like lightning, it hit me! The conviction of the Holy Spirit:

1. There is no such thing as 'good' and 'bad' people. "All have sinned and fall short"..."Our righteousness is as filthy rags in God's eyes"..."No one does what is right, no not one"

2. "God is fair; causing the rain to fall on the just and the unjust." He is no respecter of persons.

In His eyes there is no such thing as 1 + 1 = 2 because He cannot be contained. He cannot be manipulated. He is God & He does as He pleases. His picture is bigger than ours, His plan is greater than ours. To Him, our lives are more than just about the time spent on Earth.

He (His plan/His will) cannot be put in a box; there's no equation to predict or control what He purposes for my life. "He is faithful even when we are faithless." We would get frustrated thinking if we follow some spiritual equation to happiness and success (in our eyes) and then blame God when it doesn't happen. Gods version and idea of success, prosperity, provision, and success isn't exactly what the world has trained us to believe those words mean. His thoughts and ways are NOT ours.

My resolve? Live humbly, love mercy and walk justly with my God. Exercise faith, for without it, it's impossible to please Him. Seek first His Kingdom and righteousness. My obedience to these callings don't guarantee a problem free life. Find joy in simply pleasing God.

References: Romans 3:23, Isaiah 64:6, Romans 3:10, Matthew 5:45, Acts 10:34, 2 Tim 2:13, Micah 6:8, Hebrews 11:6, Matthew 6:33, Isaiah 55:8

The grass ISN'T greener...

It's a cliche phrase we know all too well but are hesitant to utter:

"The grass is greener on the other side."

Yet the tale is as old as time.

A single woman yearns to be married. The newly married woman desires deeply to have kids and start a family. The wife/mother is ready for her teenage kids to leave home and retire with her hubby.

The insecure, modelesque woman thinks she's fat and craves to be beautiful and desirable. The slightly thick woman longs for a thinner body in hopes to be pursued by men.

The young man growing up in want, aspires to be a prosperous, well known athlete or famous in some manner. The wealthy, popular guy feels insecure and lonely though he has everything he wants.

The scenarios go on and though I've not been on both sides of 'the fence', I've experienced one side while confronted with the magnetic pull of the other. In addition, I've lent a sympathetic ear to those on both sides of the same fence. The single person who searches for companionship in the institution of marriage feels the grass they're missing out on will satisfy their longing. Meanwhile, I've heard the spouse, who is weary from the strains and toil necessary to make a marraige work, warn those who are 'free', against the wanting of THEIR grass. All the while revealing their secret appetite for the grass they once partok in.

So which grass is better? Single or Married? Rich or Poor? Thin or Thick?
I contend that no grass is greener than the other. For the grass on 'the other side' is as falsly satisfying as the cool waters of a mirage in a desert.

I agree, however, with the counter-statement "Water the grass on your own side!" This insinuates that until one becomes content with their current state in life, they will never 'be satisfied'. That doesn't mean we have to stay where we are, it simply means contentment is the key to inner peace and security. Each side of the fence (a situation), if you will, has it's own grass (issues) that needs watering (facing and dealing with). So rather than jumping the fence to experience the other side, why not nurture the season of your life you are currently in and celebrate its beauties.

If given the opportunity to venture to the other side, use the same character and wisdom to handle the issues that side presents and take in its beauty and enjoy its fruits!

I often struggle with my season of singleness, longing deeply for the companionship of a partner to do life with. But equally as often, I meditate on those who are married and how they must come home to situations, conversations and events that I (as a single) won't ever have to face. Those once single-minded persons who must now answer to someone and gain permission to do things they once freely did--well that's just not my lot. When I think about those who have lost their spouse to illness or some tragic event; they must deal/cope with a healing from years of attachment & co-dependency that I don't experience. These sobering thoughts bring me back down from the high of desiring marriage. They force me to celebrate my season; embrace it and use it wisely! This is my grass; I must tend to it, water it and frolic on my own lawn!

Objection!...Over-Ruled!

The current Zimmerman trial has gripped and seized the attention of many Americans for the past few weeks. Many of these watchers are connected through social media, freely commenting and somehow submitting their own analysis of the situation:

Is Zimmerman to be believed as having been the agressor and therefore it unlawful to deem him as simply acting in self-defense?

Or did young Martin place Zimmerman in a position to where he had no other choice than to act in self-defense?

As I join in the roar that mimics "Convict him!", I can't help but identify with those who cried "Crucify Him" on the evening Jesus was falsely accused by those who ignorantly blurted their accusations but knew not enough information to make such a claim!

I'm not, in the least saying Zimmerman is being falsely accused; what I AM saying, however, is how ignorant of me to assume Zimmerman doesn't deserve to be 'innocent until proven guilty' like any other citizen with rights.

When I think of the wrongdoings that have ensued because of my sin-nature, the verdict I deserve is as obvious as I believe Zimmerman's should be. With every bit of evidence the prosecution can enter against me, and every credible witness that could attest to my behaviors; no objection by my defense attorney could go over-ruled! My wrongdoing may not lead me to serve a prison sentence, but if I believe that somehow this renders me in less need of grace or saving, then I'm sorely mistaken!

I don't feel sorry for Zimmerman but nor do I know what his intentions were or what happened on that tragic night. What I do know is that because my representation is Jesus Christ and His blood covers my guilty status; God as my Righteous Judge counts His Son's blood upon every objection and proclaims "Over-Ruled" each and every time!

This acquittal leaves me humbled and in a position to offer grace and forgiveness to others, while leaving justice to the ONLY One who can properly judge!

I do hope the system does it's best to consider and rule in the favor of justice, in this situation; yet I leave true JUSTICE to Him who is able to Righteously Rule as is proven in the case of Kim v Eternity.

This ain't no cake walk!

My life, lately, has been cray!

I can't begin to explain the struggles I deal with financially, the people I deal with who reveal my lack of character and unexpected family strains I'm facing after the loss of my dad.

When people told me the Christian walk was a marathon, not a sprint, I took it with a grain of salt.
After having been 'in the faith' for some 20 years now, I wouldn't consider myself a baby but I sure ain't no giant either.

At first, Christianity is a lot of hype. The focus is on being saved from eternal seperation from God! Its' about the hope of spending eternity with God! It's the joy in knowing your past sins have been erased!!

But as the years go by, and you fall in pits of new sinful habits and find yourself needing accountability, counseling and extreme measures like fasting to break free you begin to realize one of two things:
1. Just how great God is for loving you despite of who you are
2. Just how sinful you really are (if you didn't have a sober view of it before)

In addition to that, lets add on the day to day issues that arise and the natural urge to fix those issues in ones natural power.

I'm guilty of all of the above and yet the Holy Spirit livin within me has been patient to remind me of several things:
1. There is no condemnation when it comes to God (as it pertains to my sin)
2. God is able to meet my needs according to HIS riches
3. I need not worry about tomorrow, ...or worry period about the needs in my life

Each one of thes truths has been proven over and over and God has flexed His power in my life through them. Of course this doesn't come without the agonizing and mental toil of wanting to handle things in my own strength or the strain of beating myself up over my mistakes. But through each one, God reminds me that He is faithful even when I am faithless. He also used each and every circumstance to increase my 'mustard seed' faith.

This walk is certainly not for the faint at heart. I dare not paint the picture that it's bright lights and smiles 24-7. But I do know that it's a loving journey that I do not regret for one second. The hope & joy I have is overwhelming and contagious. I do want others to walk this walk. But I realize just why the 'road is broad that leads to destruction with many on it; while narrow one leads to life and there are FEW who travel by it.'

Gay Gene

"This is the lifestyle that was chosen for me"
"God made me this way"
"I'm just being who I am"

All statements I've heard from those who have chosen what is known as an "alternative lifestyle". My heart breaks as I watch loved ones try to find love and ease in life by chosing same-sex relationships.

For years, I have tried to understand their point of view and with empathy tru to encourage them otherwise, but in the end I find a few truths to be evident:

1. No sin is greater than another. (All have sinned and fall short of His glory (Rom 3:10))
God sent His Son, Jesus, for sinners...not the perfect/self-righteous. We all have lusts that we give into, so there is no judgement in my heart & I want to make sure I say this lovingly.

2. When God sent His Son, He sent Jesus to save us because He knew our defiled hearts and corrupted minds needed rescuing. Rescue from what though?

3. From the jump, God created male & female. He knew it was "good". But He isn't the only one...his arch nemesis, Satan, knew this as well. And as with any enemy, attacking the heart of the one you hate, is the ultimate revenge; and so his plan ensued. Satan decided to attack God's heart - the male/female He created and the plan for marriage and procreation.
In efforts to attack and get back at God, Satan counterfeited God's original ("good") plan and created his own (male with male, female with female) and called it good.

Now, the world (an organized system set up to offend and oppose God) has bought this plan and called it good as time wanes. Our thoughts are not like Gods (as God knew they would be Isaiah 55:8) and so we adopt whatever futile ideas 'make sense'. No longer is God's will central, but man's will is! We have bought into Satan's plan, offended God's original agenda, done what is right in our own eyes and thus Satan is seemingly getting revenge on his enemy through God's very own people.

Real talk, the plan doesn't take much. When you're dealing with prideful men with lofty thoughts and defiled hearts, we are really chasing our own sinful, built-in desires. Satan only needed to lure us towards it, convince us to bite and before long sins nutrients are coursing through our veins.

Can I blame those who chose this alternative lifestyle; or judge them for that matter? No. I have foolishness, murder, hatred, envy, and EVERY WICKED  DESIRE wrapped up in my own heart.

A homosexual life is only one component of our sinful nature (Christian or not). What part of your sinful nature have you chosen to be enslaved to?

Daily, I fall prey to Satan's lures and my own lusts. It's nothing but God's relentless love that causes me to repent and keeps me sober from wandering too far from Him.

This same love, God expects us to have it when we deal with others.

So, God made us in HIS image...not 'this way'.
Satan distorted and counterfeits everything God made as 'good' in hopes to turn God's people against Him.
You are NOT being 'who you are'...because God has a greater purpose for you than your own life.
This is NOT the life chosen for you...God has a plan for your life! (Jer 29:11)

In love with a Stripper!

Sound absurd?

I'm thinking about a different type of stripper. When you think about a paint stripper, its job is to penetrate the paint film, causing it to swell; this volume increase causes internal strains, which, together with the weakening of the layer's adhesion to the underlying surface, leads to sepearation of the layer of the paint from the substrate.

In lamens terms, when you need to seperate the paint from the object which its been applied, the stripper goes inside the film of the paint, causing it strain and creating a swelling effect. This tension weakens the  adhesive power of the paint to the object and leads to a seperation between the two.

In our lives, due to our void that needs to be filled, we seek for temporary things that cause momentary satisfaction and pleasure. Watching, participating, listening, hanging around, inhaling and spending time with these things cause an adhesion of sorts between us and the substance or person that we get addicted to.

Jesus Christ is the great STRIPPER! No, not the kind you find on a pole, but the One who goes inside the believer, through the power in the Word of God and the conviction of the Holy Spirit and He causes strain. He creates a dissatisfaction with that very thing which seems to bring pleasure to us. As we are led to spend more time with Him, or hear (through song) His words of encouragment; or speak to people who share their testimonies with us, our desire for that temporary pleasure begins to weaken. Over time through prayer (whether that of our own, or that of others), seperation occurs and we find ourselves able to say "no" and resist the urges of our flesh.

Yes, Jesus is the one we should be in love with. Why? Because He loves us so much that he desires and has the power to seperate us from the things (and people) we foolishly adhere ourselves to!

#WhoIsTheMole?

If you're like me...you have become attached to the Scandal sitcom and its racey plot. Or maybe the characters and their twisted personalities yet smooth speech and suave outfits catch your eye. For whatever reason, Scandal has been the hot topic of Thursday nights. I'm sure most of you "Gladiators", like myself, want to go looking for Shonda Rimes when you hear that we have to wait another 3 weeks before another new episode rears its head! Like ugh!!! We LIVE for Thursday evenings and I even forfeit my early bedtime of 9pm to hold my eyelids open just 1 more hour...but its worth every 60 of those minutes!

Getting on Twitter (@Lady_JAG) and tweeting with my other fellow gladiators makes it all the more exciting! There is one thing that disturbs me though...seeing other believers take the plot and meaning behind the series, a little too close to heart. Often times, it is dangerously unwise to take issues and quotes from a secular sitcom and apply them to life. As true as things may seem and as good at it may feel to us, as believers we MUST seperate sitcom from reality. (sidebar: There are times we must even seperate Reality TV from reality)

Simply because our world is an organized system that has composed views, thoughts and values that oppose our Savior's, its all the more imperative that we adopt the mind and heart of God so that when we DO watch these "juicy" evening soap operas, we can still view them from a godly worldview.

Last night's episode was great...heart racing & I'm curious like all you gladiators-- Who IS the mole? But in that, watching the President (Fitz) choose his mistress over his wife and running the country-- well simply put-- wrong is wrong. WE are the mole if WE are guilty of treachery enough to deny the righteousness Jesus died for us to obtain and instead choose the desires/lusts that still dwell within our flesh. Many Christians desire the affair between Olivia and Fitz to "work". But in real life, if YOU were Mellie and made a commitment to YOUR husband (relationship gone sour or not)...would YOU want the mistress to "win"? Of course not...no woman I know would!

Anyways that's my soap box. God's word is still truth and although we have the freedom to watch what pleases us, its pertinent that we use our freedom wisely. Christians in particular need to watch from a different viewpoint and remember not to connect our personal lives nor live by what we see. Though I was disgusted at the Presidents' behavior, I am still very much in tuned to what might happen in the final episodes! See the difference? Enjoy the Finale!!

Goodie Two Shoes

The persecution of Christians dates back to the time of Jesus but its not uncommon to see just as much persecution of Christians today! In other cultures, Christianity is the "underdog" of religions, if there were such a thing. Think about it, no one wants to believe, let alone claim, that Jesus is THE ONLY way to (a relationship with) God. But that's only one of many truths people are afraid, or too prideful in their thinking to believe/admit.

Persecution, however, doesn't only emanate from unbelievers! Shocking? Well, understand that when Jesus guaranteed that believers WILL face persecution, he didn't exactly specify where it would come from. I find it ironic that even believers who have boundaries and standards get persecuted by other believers who choose to live life THEIR way.

Talking to some fellow believers about a job that was offered me some months after graduating from college, I relayed that the company offered me the position as long as I was willing to lie on the results that I would report. I declined the job based on integrity and you would be amazed how many people respond opposed to that decision with comments such as "girl, if the pay was good I'd lie my tail off!" Though I understand the sentiment and would so desire the same, my desire to please Christ would compel me otherwise.

As a believer, (one who grows in their love and respect for their Lord, understanding who He is and what He desires of them and trusting in that)... should your morals reflect the truths in scripture, you can expect that even your fellow brothers and sisters in the faith might throw persecution your way. You might be looked at as "goodie two shoes" or "holier than thou" rather than just a believer who loves the Lord. Sure execution or imprisonment might not be the result, but expect to be shunned, talked about, and find yourself with fewer and fewer associates/friends. Its' a hard reality to face, but it comes with the territory!

Fat meat greasy

One of my co-workers used to say to our students, "they gone learn, fat meat greasy!". For the longest I just laughed because it sounded funny, but I had no clue what he was talking about. Finally, he broke it down for me. It's an urban slang meaning people will find out the hard way that something is true or going to occur. I'd like to think if Jesus was a bit urban He might have said it when warning people that their selfish ways are going to get them no where!

When I saw the movie Flight, it was tough watching someone as brilliant as Denzel's character struggle through life getting high, drinking everytime he was sad or lonely and all to drain out the real issues he was afraid of dealing with. In the end, it caught up with him and he realized facing his issues truly brought him solace. So why go the long way around?

 

Similar happenings in the new Tyler Perry movie. Chasing after foolish gains (drugs, promiscuity, riches, drunkeness and parties) that you KNOW won't satisfy, yet misled by the promises of what the world has to offer. Only to have the fruits of your labor turn out sour and rotten. Various times in Ecclesiastes, Solomon refers to chasing after such things as meaningless. Then why do we see it as tittalating? Yes, the arousal is enjoyable for the time being...but while the world is captivating our cravings, its also showing us how vile and corrupt it will leave us in the end.

Ponder on all the celebrities who chased money and fortune, yet ended up strung out on drugs, lonely and abused. Let the cry from their tragic stories ring louder than the screams of their fleeting fame! God's way may seem prudish, boring and mundane...but the person who loves you wants life and sincere peace for you. He surely won't force you to take that route, but you better believe fat meat greasy!

Heart Patient

 

Ever had someone just piss you off? Not necessarily because they did anything personally to you, but just because of their mannerisms and how they behave. There was someone I had to be around for a long period of time and the more I was around them, the more I found myself struggling to think straight without being completely disgusted and distracted. Everything they did from how they walked to the way they interacted with others was so putrid to me! I couldn’t stand their laziness, lack of work ethic, inability to be assertive and constant nagging and whining.

At one point, I chalked it up to the fact that I was simply better than they were. After all, my personal ethics were together, I took initiative and kept my mouth shut when things didn’t go my way. It was evident I was the better of us two. Or so I thought. One day it hit me. I was the disgusting one. My true heart was exposed as I looked with disdain upon this person. My heart was filled with hatred so clearly I wasn’t as ‘perfect’ as I thought I was. Before I knew it, conviction set in and I was challenged to talk to God about my own sick condition. Daily, I questioned ‘what was wrong with me’?

 

A few weeks later, I heard about a bible study lesson being taught that seemed to ‘hit home’ in the very area I was struggling with. So compelled, I attended and of course I got slapped up, down, side to side and pretty much every which way with the Word. Convicted, but encouraged. I was challenged to examine my own heart, and address the issue in a godly, practical way. Extend mercy, be kind, treat fairly…all things I certainly did not FEEL like doing.

Less than a week later, I was faced with a chance to be alone with this person. Over a forced conversation, I learned some personal things about them and as I listened, my heart felt deep compassion for them. The emotion was real; I can truly say it was not self-induced. It overwhelmed me and I felt myself enter unfamiliar territory. Somehow, I was obliged to encourage them as well as pray for them.

I’m not sure how a surgeon takes a bad heart and exchanges it for a better one, but I know THE HEART SURGEON can take a wicked, filthy heart and somehow infuse it with His forgiveness and tender compassion, making it brand new and cause it to beat for others. I’ve bee a patient under His scapel…

Nothing more than a mirage

Illusory
such foolery
of me to defraud my faculties
misled by my thirst
what's worse?
you led me to believe I should put you first

deceptive in nature
appealing on paper
verbally able
to temporarily quench my lust
give me just enough
to cause me to put my trust...
...in yo behind

what a farse
a waste
to rape me of my time and
make me doubt my taste
my vision quite blurred
disillusioned i'm sure
you were nothing more than a mirage
a facade
well played game of cards
check mate
spade
dominoe
I should have let you go
like the last possession in UNO
I would've bet on you tho
pulled the lever and let go
gambled with you til I was broke
but your game plan was Casino

You see what you want to see
fantasy becomes reality
when in actuality
the evidence shows no partiality
it IS what it is
and to get a good fill
push thru the hurt to the heal
for there the water's real
distilled
pure
drink

Beauty for Ashes...

I've always heard scriptures about how 'God cares for the orphan and widow'. I never really paid them any attention except for the occasional silent sigh of compassion that would quickly rush over my heart. I figured God is caring and He probably does have deep compassion on that group of people even more than those of us who DO have parents and those who are married.

When my dad passed away in May 2011 it served as a devistating blow to my family because we all knew him to be patiently vocal about his faith, passionate about history and very musically talented. But even moreso to my immediate family for all the obvious reasons of how hands on he was in fathering his children, loving his wife, protecting his daughters and keeping our family a tight unit.

But deeper within a bit of resentment towards God could have been found; how could you remove such a pillar of strength from our family? Someone my mother needed late at night, my brothers needed for an example of manhood, who my nephew and his future grandchildren wanted to build relationships with...and more personally, the one person who knew how to make me feel like his princess? Who was I supposed to go to for my car troubles and who would check out the men I decided to seriously date?

As I spoke more with my mother, I began to worry more: who would help her think through retirement? Who would she grow old with? Who would be her first line of defense with advice seeking? Who would help her with the intricate parts of raising her family and just day to day living?

Well not long afterl he passed, God began to demonstrate through small victories what He is capable of. The provision He is capable of, the healing He can do, the men He'd cause to step in & provide assistance with such minor issues as car trouble, the ministry He would birth through my mother's grief and men my brothers could become! Its' as if He used death to flex His strong arm in a different way.

Its safe to say, now I KNOW God cares for the widow...I'm watching Him do it, daily through my mother's life! Though issues and pain occurs in our lives, don't short change how God can use them to deepen your knowledge of Him & can don't underestimate the wooing factor it can have on a heart.
~Isaiah 61:3; Psalm 146:9

"Flag on the Play" - relationships Part II

Red flags, yellow flags, checkered flags...all kinds of flags are used in sports. Lets talk about some flags seen in relationships!

Yellow flags- penalty!!

This flag represents the violations that often arise yet we (as ladies) fail to acknowledge.
When a woman has no standards, its easy for her to miss the opportunity to throw the yellow flag when talking to or dating a guy of interest!

Standards are priorities, characteristics, negotiable and non-negotiable qualities you want someone to possess. Although we know and accept that no one is perfect, ladies we must be willing to have some standards and if we are interested in a relationship that will protect us, then I suggest those standards be above mediocre! When you step up to a roller coaster line that ensures maximum pleasure there is a height requirement. That standard is set so that the ride will be most enjoyable & safe for those who are above that standard. Our emotions, feelings and heart deserve to be protected.

So where do you get these standards? Well I think about what I deserve:
1. I'm a believer so he MUST understand and agree with my beliefs therefore be a believer himself. If God is most important to me, then the way I live will reflect that & I want to know he respects that and has that same expectation of himself. *non-negotiable* (not up for debate)
2. I keep friends around me who will tell me the truth about myself. He MUST do the same. If he isn't teachable, then he will be prideful and try to boss me around. That ain't okay! I must see that he allows his boys to correct, encourage him & know he does the same for them. That way I know he will be willing to do so to me in a loving manner. *non-negotiable*
3. I'd like him to be someone who spends time with his family, so I know that he values family. *negotiable* (I wouldn't turn down a man who didn't)

These are just a few things I look for based on past men in my life: great boyfriends, lousy boyfriends, qualities my grandfather, dad and uncle exhibit in their marriages; hanging around godly women who have been married for some time & observing their husbands.

I figure, if I know the homeade recipe & ingredients for an authentic Lousiana gumbo, then why go buy the imitation Zatarans version & expect it to be just as good? Ladies, I'm not saying look for a perfected man, I'm saying have standards (ingredients) that will bring a man who also has standards to you! Choosing to be with someone with major character flaws, will bring major relationship issues!

Red Flags- Challenge!!

This flag represents when our standards or boundaries are challenged! Can't throw the flag if the standard or boundary isn't there. Now, while a standard is a precedent that you look for in others, a boundary is what you use to protect yourself from your own weaknesses. For example, I'll share one boundary I kept for a long period of time during dating. Don't trip, its a bit extreme but it was necessary.

My Boundary- So I decided for some years that I didn't want guys in my apartment. This included guys I dated and ones I didn't. I felt like it protected my integrity as well as my desire to have sex. If men were coming in and leaving my apartment all the time, people could talk and easily peg me as a 'slut'. As far as guys i'm dating, well my attraction to them might lead us to that whole 'one thing led to another' type-situations.
Guys didn't like it; my girlfriends thought I was cray and everyone was clownin' me, but I kept it and it kept me (if you know what I mean). Kept me from being faced w/those hard decisions.

So when I dated a guy who violated or challenged MY decision/boundary ...I threw the RED FLAG! It meant that he wasn't willing to protect me as much as I was willing to protect myself. Listen...I heard this once:

"Marriage is the fence around sex (meant to protect it); if a guy isn't willing to acknowledge the fence while he's outside of it, then he won't be willing to respect the fence once he's INSIDE of it. Because to him, there IS NO FENCE!"

Yeah if he can't/won't respect the boundaries you set in place to protect yourself, then he's showing you he really doesn't respect YOU! Believe it or not, a REAL guy will respect a woman who respects herself.

Checkered flag/Green Flag - In the clear!

Now, when a guy has his own standards, meets yours and shows he will/can respect your boundaries..hey that's a green flag!

Like I said before, during those "cakin'" moments, late nights on the phone, & all day text messages be listening to the types of things he says, what he wants to talk about most, when you're serious - how does he respond? How does he treat his mother? How does he talk about his ex's? What habits seem to reoccur in his other relationships? How does he react to things that go wrong in his personal life? What's most important to him? Don't ask these questions, listen for the answers to surface over time.

This one guy I talked to was always talking about his past relationships didn't work out and how his physical involvement always played a role. As great as he seemed, he was telling me (unknowingly) that he likes to get physically involved w/his girlfriends. Well because I don't have that same standard, I chose to keep him in the friendship zone. He needed to know I was NOT about to be his next conquest in efforts to be a girlfriend. If remaining single was the price I had to pay for that decision, I deemed in worth it because in the long run, I'd save myself emotional attachment and damage.

 

In conclusion, pay attention to the flags, ladies!

Trust and Believe

Girls, girls, girls...let's chat!

Oh how I wish I could sit down with you and help you navigate the emotions that so easily lead you to:
1. Get with these foul dudes
2. Cause you to stay with a guy who clearly has other females
3. Make it impossible for you to leave a guy you THINK cares about you

In so many words, the THIRST is not THAT serious! Can I help you control the 'thirst'? Give me a few minutes and let me help you hone in on the God given instincts you have. The hidden wisdom you possess and tap into the worth you were richly given!

First of all lets talk about this worth you have. Like Keyshia says, "... you're a 10"!
Do you ever recall making something for your mom or dad or teacher and putting your heart and time into it? You know, that picture torn from that coloring book that you scribble with all your might? How about that drawing of your family that your loved ones posted on the refrigerator? Just think about that thing you created that you put your everything into and wanted someone to value it as much as you did. Well you, my dear, were created with such passion...if not more. You were beautifully and wonderfully made; unique in design and shape! Everything about you from your personality to your physique was intended and purposeful! Your worth is far above that of gold or sterling silver & more costly than diamonds or Marc Jacobs bags. If you don't realize that and protect that, you won't allow a guy who shows interest in you, treat you as such.

Second, allow the value of that worth cause you to set some standards for yourself. If you purchased a Coach purse from the outlet & you knew the value and cost you paid for it, you wouldn't sit that bad boy on the back of a chair, nor would you leave it unattended. You certainly wouldn't let a friend borrow it (especially before YOU had a chance to rock it). There would be some definite 'boundaries' you'd put around the carrying and handling of your bag. The same applies for your heart which bottles your emotions. Use present and past relationships; those stories your friends share with you; the qualities of your faithful father, or amazing big brother to decide what qualities you're looking for in a guy who deserves you. With that...what qualities do you NOT deserve? There are ways you don't deserve to be treated and you should establish that and stick to it!

Finally, give things time to brew! Some of the best food, drinks, songs, and just things in general happen due to time. When you find yourself interested in a guy, before you decide on a relationship or find yourself  'caught up', allow your daily "cakin" to listen to him. Listen to what's important to him based on what he talks about the most. What habits does he have? Does he make you a priority or an option? Does he talk about you to his boys or even want you around? Does he find himself unable to be completely honest with you? Time will give you signs of his character. Time will tell whether he understands and values your worth.

Then, you should make a head decision (not 'follow your heart') as to whether he is worth your time, emotions and attachment. Without these things in place, you are subject to fall for the same old guys, traps, deception and games. As long as you are willing to be strung along...he will do JUST THAT! As long as you are easily played...he will shamelessly play you.

But a confident, secure woman...will attract a man who knows her worth and treats her as such!
Guys aren't solely responsible for our demise...we often play ourselves & let our emotions misguide us first!