2018: Speed Dating

As I walked into the house our family chose to celebrate Thanksgiving in, I longed to see my grandmother sitting with her sisters around the table sipping coffee (as is their tradition each year). I rounded the corner, and sure enough (although my grandmother has more than 10 siblings) I saw her sitting with only 2 of her sisters. As I walked over to give them all a hug the first thing I heard was the question every single person (who never brings a significant other to family gatherings) dreads hearing,

"So are we dating anyone?"

No -"Hey Kim, nice to see you! You look so pretty, just like your mother."

No- "Hey Kim, we've missed you! How are things going for you?"

Nope, just right to the hum-dinger; straight gut punch. Right for the jugular! So, of course, despite the secret fear that I had let them down, I replied in my best upbeat and optimistic tone- "no, I'm not!"

To which they added,..."not yet!" I flashed my fake smile and found other relatives to greet. 

Only 3 hours later did I run into a handful of my other great-aunts and one of them pulled me close giving me the biggest and warmest hug and immediately asked, "So there's no one special in your life, yet?" I thought this had to be a joke. Seriously? Is this what older women want for all of their precious grands and great grands? Surely there's more they pray and dream about for us. But after my response this time, I assured her that it wasn't as if I hadn't gone on several dates or had no suitors- but that I simply hadn't been found by the one my heart loves.

Yes, 2018 has been quite the "speed dating" adventure. No, I didn't actually speed date, but I certainly accepted quite the number of offers this year (more than the usual because I've been type-cast as being too picky and I'm trying to give bruhs a chance). 

Going out on dates teaches us a lot about our hearts. It not only shows us who we truly are, but it also tells us a story about what we value and how much we value ourselves.

Who we truly are-

I try not to hold anything against the guys I reject, because often times its truly me. One date I had this year, was exceptionally handsome and I knew within seconds that if he even hugged me, it would be the end of my purity walk (shade me if you must)- I'm just being real. Being around him brought out every suppressed lustful bone in my body and I was quite self aware. Needless to say, I had to end things after our first date because his advances were quite strong and I simply did not trust myself around him. I learned (or better yet was reminded) that while I'm grateful that by God's grace I've been able to walk in purity, that does not mean that I don't deeply long to satisfy myself more than I desire to please God, at times.

What we value-

Sometimes I have a mental idea of the type of guy that will thoroughly impress me. But that mental list can easily get mixed with the type of man my heart longs to court. Here's what I mean. In my heart there's really no list. I know I'll eventually connect with someone who sincerely loves God and walks humbly with Him, because that's who I am (and am daily becoming) at my core. But as a result of loving God, I also desire to serve in my church, along with other service related actions that might seem "religious". So sometimes when I notice a guy is involved in these "religious" acts, I assume I know what his heart is like. Well, I grew instantly attached to one of my 2018 dates because of the things he did; however, when I saw his true heart, my affections dwindled because no amount of his outward behaviors could cover for the degrading way he treated people. I learned about myself, that 'out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks' and I should value the hearts words just as much as its actions.

How much we value ourselves- 

Two of my 2018 dates were quite charming and yet somehow being around them I never really felt valued. With one, it was the the way I was spoken to (in a condescending manner for no reason) and with the other, I never really felt  I was being pursued. Blame my father, but he always called me his princess and taught me to be courted with great value. He took me on father-daughter dates growing up, showing me how attentive and respectful men should be to the woman they're interested in. After a week with one of my 2018 dates, I felt I could have treated myself to a better time. Being looked at with desire and asked about your day are the little things; being heard and treated as if your opinion matters, are simple things that go much farther than simple chivalrous tasks such as opening a door. This dates' actions were completely self-absorbed to the point he felt that the reward was being with him. I learned to never let anyone convince you that you deserve to be treated a certain way simply because that's how that person is. I'll never be ashamed of my expectations because God is in the business of going exceedingly above what we desire and expect. 

Turning 39 in a few days and still on the dating scene is somewhat un-conventional these days but it's a sweet (sometimes frustrating) adventure! One that often leaves me reflective and keeps me praying about my future! Nevertheless, I am content to leave the results in the loving, perfect hands of my Father who knows, better than I, what's best for me!

Rejection is a gift

It's all a matter of perspective.

Rejection can either be a crippling fear that causes people to run from the very things they dream of, or it can be a gift from God. But it cannot be both.

A majority of those who will read this blog post will connect with the notion that rejection (whether from people, a job interview, a sports team try-out, a home or car loan...I could go on) isn't only an initial fear that begins in the mind when the rubber is forced to meet the road; but would also testify to it's ability to breed a depression-like comatose disposition that prevents one from ever attempting to "try-try-again".

It begins when as a child, we discover a hidden talent and someone who adores us, encourages our gift and drops the first hint that we should "try-out" or "apply for" some organized group that cultivates said talent and/or encourages healthy competition around it. This same series of events occurs in early adulthood when we venture out for a job or fall in love and again later in adulthood when we attempt to invest in property.

Then the inevitable happens; pride is crushed when the door slams shut in our face. When our name doesn't occur on the list, we get the call that says someone else was chosen, when he or she says we just aren't what they were looking for or when the person behind the desk says we were denied. Sometimes these slammed doors come as a complete surprise, but for anyone who has been living for some time, it might have been such a repetitive habit, that the slammed door is anticipated.

If half of us were completely honest, we'd agree that after so many closed doors, we tend to not get our hopes up (despite the encouragement from our friends and loved ones) because we've become so accustomed to the cycle, that we believe it's our fate in life.

But again, this is only one vantage point (although it can be the most prominent one). If you've found yourself in any of the aforementioned scenarios, but also consider yourself a Believer, I'd like to submit another vantage point around rejection. The twelfth chapter of Romans challenges us to adopt a different mindset around the natural occurrences that happen in our fallen world.

So consider this:

• If Joseph hadn't been rejected by his brothers, he would have never ended up in the palace serving Pharaoh and eventually overseer of the land. 
• If Ruth hadn't faced initial rejection by her mother-in-law (Naomi who encouraged her to go the easy route), she would have never crossed paths with Boaz (who would later marry her and redeem her family). 
• If David hadn't been rejected (numerous times) by Saul, he would have never had a chance to trust God would make him King (in His own timing).

These are only a few instances of rejection in the Old Testament. Ironically, each of these persons not only faced rejection but these same rejection-based stories contributed to the lineage of Jesus. 

Now, with that in mind, consider that rejection can be a part of the divine purpose and will of God. 

• It can be that the closed door is the very protection He provides to shield us from self-destruction. 
• It can be that the closed door helps us see an open door that we might not have otherwise seen.
• It can be that the closed door gives us a chance to humble ourselves and seek His face.

In this respect, the closed door (rejection) is a gift!

What we cannot deny is the truth of God's promises. That He gives "good gifts" to His children; that He withholds no good thing from those who walk uprightly; and that He provides the desires of the heart that delights in Him [Matthew 7:11; Psalm 84:11; Psalm 37:4]. All of these promises are 'yea, and amen' (ie: true) regardless of rejection (or in light of).

So my charge to you is when the dark cloud of post-rejection depression moves in to dump its torrential rains on your disposition, submerge your mind in the refreshing downpour of God's truths that come from a heart that cares for you. Though our natural inclination is to submit to the natural feelings that accompany rejection, we must fight against the enemy's tactic and believe, instead, the report of the Lord (even if He hasn't shown the full report to you as of yet). 

Faith isn't a magic pill

Most of you know that almost a year ago, my family and I were displaced by Harvey. Long story-short, I stepped out on faith and decided to go from leasing to owning. I began the process to get approved (knowing that my credit was less than great) and before I knew it my pre-approval turned into full conditional approval! So, I began building a house (many of you saw pictures on Instagram (follow me: kim_lynnette)) that was expected to take 6 months to finish and so my closing date was scheduled for April 2nd (this coming Monday).

Well, by faith, I went about watching the house be built- checking on it every other day; began to look for furniture and truly getting attached to the house. More than just checking on the house, though, I prayed that the Lord would have His way and either shut down the entire process if it wasn't His will or would go above and beyond, exceeding my expectations (if it WAS). Each month, things got better and every day my prayers got deeper and more frequent. I was totally dependent upon His move in my life. I felt up against a rock and a hard place- no place to live (when His Word promises to meet our needs) and only 6 months until my house is finished being built. What's more? Nothing planned for if things were to go south. But I was super hopeful and while a nerve-wrecking process, it was also an enjoyable one!

Each and every day of the 6 months, I spent concentrated time with the Lord (ironically in Hebrews 11), seeking how I could extend my faith and demonstrate my complete trust in His Lordship. Each day was refreshing, full of reminders of how secure I was because of my willingness to trust Him. Each day was full of His promises such as "those who hope in the Lord, will never be disappointed" and countless stories of those who traversed the choppy waters of faith. The closer we got to closing, however, the less peace I felt about moving forward with this particular home I had grown somewhat attached to.

It didn't add up to me. If I had stepped out on faith, and pursued this home, why would God be asking me to give it up and walk away from it? Wasn't faith supposed to be catapulting me into the house, all while pouring out countless blessings? Why step out on faith (I wondered) if I would only be disappointed (which is ironically exactly what scripture said I would NOT be)?

I began to recount the handful of times in my life when I had made a monumental faith step. Each and every last one of them, God had superseded my expectations and come through in a mighty way. I was encouraged even more so to continue my trek but to also continue to pray and ask the Lord for wisdom. A few weeks before closing (on the home), I truly wasn't at peace with the decision and some calls from my loan officer confirmed that I did not need to go through with this contract. Just like that my faith was somewhat shattered and I felt disappointed for having believed this would cure my living situation.

Much like the story of Abraham who was promised that he would be given a seed through which his descendants would be blessed; after years of faithfully waiting and finally receiving his promise, he was asked to sacrifice it (kill it). As absurd as that thought and task was, Abraham had already gone through enough with God to know that walking by faith was a funny and risky thing. He figured if the same God who promised to bless his offspring through a son, must have had a miracle in mind if He was asking Him to give up the very thing He promised him. And so rather than having a shattered faith at having to give up his son, the scripture says, Abraham rose early and began the journey to the mountain to sacrifice him...and later, rose the knife to slay his only son. All acts of faith. It was then that God shared with Abraham that He could tell that his faith wasn't just a cliche or mere words in a song he sang; but that his faith was real.

A week before closing, I made the call that would somewhat devastate me and leave me temporary homeless- I told the loan officer that I was rejecting the offer on the home. I cannot say that I see where my faith step has led me, because just like countless others, I expected that this house would be my reward. But like Abraham, I've learned that walking by faith is not only what we are called to do, but is risky and uncertain business when dealing with God. Yet, one thing I trust and believe, is that God is the author of "ram in the bush" moments. And though I haven't seen mine, I must declare like Abraham that "the Lord himself, WILL provide..." and leave it at that.

No, faith did not give me the reward I thought it would, but that does not negate the fact that "the Lord rewards those who diligently seek Him" and that "without faith, it is impossible to please God". So I leave the results in His hands and trust His plan for my family. I hope to be able to soon share the blessing He has awaiting us; because He is faithful (even when we are faithless).

Callused to it...

Have you ever had a part of your body (feet, finger or hand) develop a callus? It can be an unsightly thing to behold and perhaps even an intriguing wound to pick at. That crazy obsession to peeling off layers of dead skin, only to discover your true skin lies beneath it. You might not even recognize that you have a callus until you realize you have lost feeling in that area of your body.

I've once played around with a callus on the bottom of my foot (sick, I know) by sticking a needle-like pin into the skin to see whether I could feel the prick. I tried tickling that portion of my foot to see whether it would evoke some type of laughter or giggling out of me and sure enough, it did not. So many layers of dead skin had piled up that I was completely unresponsive to just about anything that came in contact with the callus.

I was listening to James McDonald (as my routine each day on the way to work) one morning and he was speaking on Romans 6 and he came across verse 5 which says,

"If we shared in Jesus' death by being baptized, we will be raised to life with Him." (CEV)

Pastor James talked about how often we get excited about the fact that Jesus died to forgive us for our sins and how grateful we are for such a sacrificial act. And while that truth is freeing, what's more is that Jesus didn't just stay dead. He rose to conquer death and as an act that exemplifies the power we possess to live a life free from the very things he died for.

To bring that thought home, I thought about the things I personally struggle with. It's easy to tell a lie. It's even easier to justify a lie by saying there's no harm in a little "white lie" and thinking it won't hurt anyone. Prior to trusting Christ as my Savior, I was powerless when an opportunity to lie arose. Justifying it away proved that something in me knew it was wrong, but deciding NOT to lie was not even a thought because the justification explained it away or the desire to say it was right there (why deny it).

But after trusting Christ to take away the penalty for my sins (that disobeying His ways truly brings), God deposits within us a power (the same one that raised Him from the dead) that frees us from the desire and will to do something as simple as lying. His power not only convicts us when an opportunity arises, it even convicts us when we want to explain it away. It bares a bit more heavily on us when we make the choice to lie anyway and (hopefully) encourages you and me to confess it and ask God for forgiveness. But the most exciting thing is, what was once a one-way street has turned into a two-way street. When that same opportunity to tell even the littlest of lies arises, we have the power to say "no- i'd rather tell the truth and face the situation" and with every decision, telling the truth and denying the chance to lie, becomes easier and feels more freeing.

Jesus' resurrection gives you a Spiritual callus (if you will) to the things (desires, words, attitudes, motives, actions) that once brought you pleasure but bring God grief. His Spirit empowers us to feel at type of numbness to lying, cheating, stealing, giving into our lusts, gossiping about others, cursing others and much, much more! It makes us unresponsive to such probings by piling up a dead-ness to those things. It causes us to lose feelings attached to those behaviors and attitudes, until we are immersed in consistent desires to please the God who loved us so sacrificially.

Woman...Interrupted

       There I was living my life as a single, doing whatever I wanted to do. Coming when I pleased, going as I desired. If my friends had an event, I didn’t have to answer to anyone to decide whether or not I’d go, or what time I would be home. No responsibilities to anyone other than myself, my job, my money, my bills. Life was grand, or so I thought. I was at my social and personal climax- living in the place of my dreams. A little cozy spot with just the right carpet, a bar and my favorite amenity- a grand size garden tub perfect for bubble baths. The community pool was elegant and had an accompanying party size grill area where I had already hosted a few small socials. The clubhouse was perfect for an upcoming soiree I had planned out in my mind and the gym was a perk in terms of convenience for my weekly workouts.

I was most comfortable with my life and then it happened...

I stepped into my shower to decompress after a long day and the thought that had crept up into my mind a few times weeks before, found its way back into my empty thoughts. But this time I couldn’t dismiss it. Tears streamed down my face because I knew a call was on my life that I could no longer escape. I tried to push back the tears, but the lump in my throat had already taken up residence and seemed to fuel more tears and I secretly surrendered to the notion that I was being called out of my cushy life and into a selfless abandonment. One that would cause some sacrificial decisions. I couldn’t, at the time understand, why me? Of all the people in the world, why me? Of all the ways this could have transpired, why when I’m at my most satisfied place in life? A week or two went by with no answer and the desire to be obedient was overshadowed by life’s current realities. Until a phone call came one night as I sat in my closet tidying up. The person on the other end of the phone had no idea I had been crying when I answered the phone and yet only after a minute of small talk, said words I didn’t want to hear but knew were right from the Lord. She told me to surrender to whatever it was I had been running from and the waterworks came harder because I knew it was time. Like Jonah, I could no longer ignore it.

Reluctantly, I surrendered to a series of events that began to unravel and set this plan into motion. Once I settled into my new place of residence, I initially grumbled with complaints and questions of why. But again, my questions went unanswered and so I continued to make the best of a less than favorable situation. It took a few months, but in my new place, I began to see life from a lens I would have never seen had I remained in my selfish palace where I sat on my own throne. Suddenly, in part, it was clear to me- there were needs that God wanted to meet and He desired to use me as His vessel in meeting such a need. Isn’t it funny how life has us disillusioned to believe that when it’s all about us, things must be at their best? Nothing can be farther from the truth. God doesn’t NEED to use us, it’s His Sovereign choice.

God used Esther to deliver a group of people when she didn’t initially want to be used. He used Jonah to deliver a message to a group of people He desired to redeem, despite His initial desire to refuse to take that message to them. So why use us? Perhaps there’s a sanctifying that occurs when God does His redeeming work through us. I can attest to the fact that I have experienced a purer sense of living and yet an accompanying feeling of abasement by watching God fulfill His purpose through me. One that could not be experienced had I remained in the mirror primping over my own life.

If you find yourself in a Esther or Jonah situation, let me just encourage you to surrender to the prompting of the Spirit within you. Not only is there no use in running, but there’s no better experience than letting God do His perfect work in you as He uses you to move on the behalf of others.

New Project for 2018

I'm proud to announce and would love your prayers and support for...

A Hope Deferred Season

This is my sophomore book project, expected to be completed by March 2018. The book is soon to be complete but is still in the editing phases. I am also excited about the cover design which is in the works. Possibly the most trying components are the query letters and proposals that must be written and submitted for publication companies to underwrite it. 

My first book, Dating Deceit, was a project I self-published via CreateSpace- a company that partners with Amazon. This time, I'm taking another leap of faith and looking for a company willing to publish the book and place it on the physical shelves, in stores. Proposals are no easy tasks, so pray for my strength and wisdom needed to write it. That a company would find favor when reading both the query letter and proposals and desire to publish this piece. 

I am truly grateful for the ability and time as well as the passion to write and see dreams and desires I have blossom into fruition. Nothing but God's grace and divine intervention has carried me this far. Praying His favor and continued mercy as I move forward for His glory! My prayer is that lives would be impacted and hope springs eternal in the hearts of those who pick up the book. That their faith will be renewed as they find encouragement needed to not give up. 

Can A New Year bring A New Me?

Right around December 26th we begin to hear the age old cliche' "New Year, New Me!" begin to pour from the minds and mouths of our friends. Our Facebook timelines are filled with people's resolutions and expectations of the upcoming new year. Perhaps its the feeling in the air- the feeling of new beginnings that spur new opportunities and inspire chances to start over. Whatever it is, and regardless of how noble and inspirational the thought- the idea is comprised of cancerous thinking from a mindset that we can change our own lives.

You might be able to usher in a new habit of working out, eating differently or spending more time with your family. These new habits might start off strong and might even last for a sustained period of time. After all, nothing is wrong with a resolution that occurs in the form of writing down a dream or marking out a plan and holding yourself accountable to such a change. Keep in mind, however, that we can just as easily fail in a diet, falter in keeping with our routine of attending the gym and things can distract us and give us valid justifications for why we aren't as able to spend time with our family as we planned. In the same way, saying that we will curse less, be more committed to our spouses, treat people better might be great resolutions. They might look good on paper and enlisting our friends to hold us accountable might prove to last for a time.

But Romans 7 calls these efforts and attempts, whether they occur beginning in January or otherwise, futile attempts to maintain a set of rules or adhere to a law of sorts (vs 15). Friend, understand that the ability to live the Christian life does not occur by proclaiming we will be a "new me". Rules have no power and similarly, resolutions (as great and noble as making them can be) have no power. For this truth remains, nothing good dwells in our flesh (vs 18a). Think of all the good things that are on your resolution list and re-read that statement from Romans 7:18. We don't even have the ability to do those good things we've resolved to do. Yes, we have the desire to do those good things, but not the ability to carry it out (vs 18b NIV) is what scripture says.

I desire to be nicer to people who hurt me.
I desire to quit smoking.
I desire to stop being so hot tempered.
I desire to walk away from this selfish lifestyle.
I desire to be a better son/daughter/spouse/grandparent.
I desire to be more disciplined to save money.
I desire to tithe.
I desire to wake up every day and run a mile.
I desire to watch my words when i'm angry.

All great things you may or may not have desired from time to time. And yet scripture cancels our trained way of thinking that just because we desire it, we cannot will ourselves into behaving in these new ways. We don't have the ability to live the Christian life, much less be a "new me" at the turn of a new year. After all, despite popular belief of both those who scoff at the Faith and those who are drenched in religion, Christianity isn't about trying or working harder; it's an intimate personal relationship with Jesus -who is alive living His life (by His Spirit) through us. I know you might believe it's the Spirit's role to help us speak in tongues or fall out or whatever other visible evidences you've seen on television. But the book of Acts doesn't give the only account of the Spirit's abilities. It is the Spirit's role (in the Trinity) to convict us of what to do, what to say, how to handle issues because we don't know how to do what God asks us to do (John 16).

It's even a popular belief that "When we know better, we do better". Well actually, knowing better doesn't exactly mean we will do better. Yes, we do need to grow in our learning, but information isn't the key to change; although it is a catalyst for it. Paul says there's a law (knowledge) in our minds, but because we are so programmed to do wrong, trying to change ourselves without submission to God will exhaust us!

James McDonald, in his book, Lord, Change Me, states that Biblical change begins when we admit our problem is a heart problem. Can you and I own that we are broken because of sin?

Repeat after me:

I admit, I am not programmed to will myself into being a new me. I am so weak and feeble, I need help to do what's right. 

 Then, after such an admission-we must turn by realizing that only God can change our hearts.

Repeat after me:

God, grant me the desire to be different and help me to partner with you so I can be more loving towards people especially my enemies; help me walk in victory over my selfish and sinful desires; control me by your Spirit so that I don't lose my temper, say words that hurt and empower me to live for Your eternal purposes rather than my own personal self-gratifying pursuits. 

Rather than pridefully claiming, yet again, this cliche statement about the new you that will arise from 2018, I challenge you to instead commit to partner with the Lord in His desire to bring about the change He desires for you. Embrace whatever His Spirit convicts you of, each day. Yield to His gentle leading and watch as the New You that has already taken form (2 Corinthians 5:17), takes on continued newness through the changing seasons of your life- not just at the start of a new year.