My living sacrifice keeps crawling off the altar

Can I just be real? I've been really dealing with God on some life stuff lately and I just wanna share it, ok? You know that scripture about presenting your life as a living sacrifice? Well I mentally agree with the idea of 'laying down' my life, but when the rubber hits the road, that thing just keeps crawling off the altar! What do I mean?

So lately I've been addicted to trying to defeat this new app game called 2048. Although I understand the gist of the game, my calculated movements are often blurred by the random tiles that show up and the frustrating fact that I can't control where those tiles will pop up. Once they appear, I am confident in my ability to do something purposeful with it, but where they will originate from, is out of my control.

 

I've always struggled with the verse in Proverbs 16 about how we can plan out our lives, but God will have the final say (vs 1, 9). To me, why in the world would I want to go through the headache of planning out my life in a wise, detailed manner only to have God step in and decide He wants to go another direction with it? It's like a waist of time. Why read books about how to make wise choices with who I date and build up an image of the type of godly man I desire to marry, only to end up falling in love with someone who God plans on using my marriage to grow that person into who he should be? Why work diligently at necessary degrees to build a financial secure life, only to be overtaken by passion that leads me into a professional path that doesn't offer much financial security at all? What's the purpose?

 

Well I can't say I'm completely done with this struggle, nor can I say that I understand God's ways completely, but one thing I'm learning is not to argue His method. Much like with friendships, He has taught me that holding people with a closed fist (holding on tightly to relationships) is unwise as He is able to remove them or allow them only for a season.

In this same way, I must hold the components of my life loosely before Him. My plans, my dreams, my desires and goals...they can be thoughtfully planned, but to grow so attached to them that I leave no room for His move and authority is unwise. For at anytime, He may decide to change the course of my life and I must trust that His plan is much better than my own.


So I guess I sort of get it. I know the goal in life is to connect the "tiles" God has given me for His purpose. I realize that I cannot take charge of my own life (Jer. 10:23) as I cannot determine where the "tiles" will come from, nor what the end will be like, but I am charged with using wisdom to manipulate the 'tiles' I am given, in a calculated manner. Where does this leave me?

Unsure of whether the kind of romance and future relationship I desire will occur, but knowing that when I ask for wisdom, He will give it freely (James 1:5). I may not have the professional career I planned out, but I love what I do each and every morning I wake up and God gives me wisdom on how to manage the gifts He's blessed me with as a result. For now, I live grateful but I'm much more conscious when I sing "..my life is NOT my own, to YOU I belong, I give my self...to You!"

Who plays your instrument?

In middle school, I was a part of the orchestra as a student of the cello! I absolutely loved playing that instrument because it was so unique. I enjoyed using the bow as well as plucking songs (like a guitar). It 's voice held that of an alto sound with a range that it made very much resemble my own vocal placement in choir.

What I liked most is that I could understand the instrument in a fashion that made me such a poised player. I frequently won first chair in our weekly competitions and to accompany that I had various UIL medals to showcase as well. My futile attempt to play a wind instrument (like the flute and clarinet) was catastrophic and inevitably what led me away from band and towards the orchestra! I couldn't grasp the method of how to control blowing into the reeds in such a way to produce a melodious tune. Instead, every sound that left the instrument was never a sound at all, it was more like that annoying noise the TV used to make when it "went off" around midnight! LOL

Romans 6:13 reads:
"...you must not give sin a vote in the way you conduct your lives. Don’t give it the time of day. Don’t even run little errands that are connected with that old way of life. Throw yourselves wholeheartedly and full-time—remember, you’ve been raised from the dead!—into God’s way of doing things. Sin can’t tell you how to live. After all, you’re not living under that old tyranny any longer. You’re living in the freedom of God." [MSG]

In other words, when we (who are instruments of God), allow the world (others, our own selfish desires, sin, etc.) to control or steer us, we act as instruments. We let sin blow into us, thus emitting a gut wrenching, unbearable noise that is catastrophic to the ears.

But when we allow God to bow and pluck our instruments (leading and guiding us, telling us how to think, feel and live), we produce melodies that resound in an ensemble of glory to God. This symphony, inevitably draws a crowd who desires to take in such a beautiful sound.

Favor Ain't Fair!

"Favor ain't fair, honey!" I can hear the radical believers chanting as they run around the church! The excitement is spurred by a hope and longing for God to 'rain down' His favor on their lives. You know, favor...that brand new car; that promotion at their job; that increase in salary or "blessing of a house"! Something to bring them out of the 'lowly' state they were once in. Something to pacify the longing for 'things' in our lives and somehow fill the void thus eliminating our problems. Favor-also known as "blessing".

After all, Christians aren't supposed to struggle, go without, or be anything but financially well off and wealthy, right? And while YOU may be doing well, I'm praying God's favor on MY life; for if He so chooses to rain down said blessings on me in this season (and somehow decide not to do so for you)...well..."Honey, favor ain't fair!" (boastfully said). *shaking my head* FALSE!!!

A Pastor, Friend opened up the latter portion of 1 Peter 2 and I noticed how God's favor was lavished freely on those who committed themselves to suffering.

• Your government, leaders, bosses, administrators, and authorities - regardless of how 'off the chain' they may behave...do what's right, don't retaliate and what's more.. HONOR THEM!
• Don't just follow them if they're good...even if they're unreasonable and partial (unfair)...HONOR THEM!!
• When you finally do everything right and you're unjustly blamed for doing something wrong...STILL HONOR THEM!

You see, no one wants to run around church and scream and shout for unfair punishment. No one wants to boast about how they're boss has a crude tongue and promotes everyone else BUT them! Who wants to brag about how they uphold integrity every time they clock in, while their co-worker is stealing from 'the Man' and yet THEY get docked? But Matthew 5:1-12 calls "Blessed" those who aren't exactly receiving these "things". So what IS blessed after all?

But in this passage God says you find favor with Him when you suffer despite doing what's right and endure this type of suffering, patiently! This is the favor He longs to give; one accompanied by suffering for His sake. Things might not even be attached to this favor. This favor may not yield physical or tangible results.

So then, are the things He allows us to attain blessings or burdens? Are they allowed with the intention of us sharing with others and with the hope that they won't draw us farther from Him? Do they give us peace or a sense of comfort? Can we thank God for them? Yes, but should we call it favor or blessings? I'm not so sure; for what about those Christians who are suffering for His Name's sake? Those in other countries who are faithful, yet their reward isn't the wealth as the world sees it?

So, is favor really fair? Well maybe not in the since that many view it, but it seems that it isn't fair that God would allow us to go through suffering before He bestows favor on us. But in all fairness, the fact that we get to share in His suffering IS IN FACT, favor. And aside from that, GOD IS a fair/just God. He isn't partial (doesn't play favorites). So to Him, favor is on HIS terms...and that's fair!