Red flags, yellow flags, checkered flags...all kinds of flags are used in sports. Lets talk about some flags seen in relationships!
Yellow flags- penalty!!
This flag represents the violations that often arise yet we (as ladies) fail to acknowledge.
When a woman has no standards, its easy for her to miss the opportunity to throw the yellow flag when talking to or dating a guy of interest!
Standards are priorities, characteristics, negotiable and non-negotiable qualities you want someone to possess. Although we know and accept that no one is perfect, ladies we must be willing to have some standards and if we are interested in a relationship that will protect us, then I suggest those standards be above mediocre! When you step up to a roller coaster line that ensures maximum pleasure there is a height requirement. That standard is set so that the ride will be most enjoyable & safe for those who are above that standard. Our emotions, feelings and heart deserve to be protected.
So where do you get these standards? Well I think about what I deserve:
1. I'm a believer so he MUST understand and agree with my beliefs therefore be a believer himself. If God is most important to me, then the way I live will reflect that & I want to know he respects that and has that same expectation of himself. *non-negotiable* (not up for debate)
2. I keep friends around me who will tell me the truth about myself. He MUST do the same. If he isn't teachable, then he will be prideful and try to boss me around. That ain't okay! I must see that he allows his boys to correct, encourage him & know he does the same for them. That way I know he will be willing to do so to me in a loving manner. *non-negotiable*
3. I'd like him to be someone who spends time with his family, so I know that he values family. *negotiable* (I wouldn't turn down a man who didn't)
These are just a few things I look for based on past men in my life: great boyfriends, lousy boyfriends, qualities my grandfather, dad and uncle exhibit in their marriages; hanging around godly women who have been married for some time & observing their husbands.
I figure, if I know the homeade recipe & ingredients for an authentic Lousiana gumbo, then why go buy the imitation Zatarans version & expect it to be just as good? Ladies, I'm not saying look for a perfected man, I'm saying have standards (ingredients) that will bring a man who also has standards to you! Choosing to be with someone with major character flaws, will bring major relationship issues!
Red Flags- Challenge!!
This flag represents when our standards or boundaries are challenged! Can't throw the flag if the standard or boundary isn't there. Now, while a standard is a precedent that you look for in others, a boundary is what you use to protect yourself from your own weaknesses. For example, I'll share one boundary I kept for a long period of time during dating. Don't trip, its a bit extreme but it was necessary.
My Boundary- So I decided for some years that I didn't want guys in my apartment. This included guys I dated and ones I didn't. I felt like it protected my integrity as well as my desire to have sex. If men were coming in and leaving my apartment all the time, people could talk and easily peg me as a 'slut'. As far as guys i'm dating, well my attraction to them might lead us to that whole 'one thing led to another' type-situations.
Guys didn't like it; my girlfriends thought I was cray and everyone was clownin' me, but I kept it and it kept me (if you know what I mean). Kept me from being faced w/those hard decisions.
So when I dated a guy who violated or challenged MY decision/boundary ...I threw the RED FLAG! It meant that he wasn't willing to protect me as much as I was willing to protect myself. Listen...I heard this once:
"Marriage is the fence around sex (meant to protect it); if a guy isn't willing to acknowledge the fence while he's outside of it, then he won't be willing to respect the fence once he's INSIDE of it. Because to him, there IS NO FENCE!"
Yeah if he can't/won't respect the boundaries you set in place to protect yourself, then he's showing you he really doesn't respect YOU! Believe it or not, a REAL guy will respect a woman who respects herself.
Checkered flag/Green Flag - In the clear!
Now, when a guy has his own standards, meets yours and shows he will/can respect your boundaries..hey that's a green flag!
Like I said before, during those "cakin'" moments, late nights on the phone, & all day text messages be listening to the types of things he says, what he wants to talk about most, when you're serious - how does he respond? How does he treat his mother? How does he talk about his ex's? What habits seem to reoccur in his other relationships? How does he react to things that go wrong in his personal life? What's most important to him? Don't ask these questions, listen for the answers to surface over time.
This one guy I talked to was always talking about his past relationships didn't work out and how his physical involvement always played a role. As great as he seemed, he was telling me (unknowingly) that he likes to get physically involved w/his girlfriends. Well because I don't have that same standard, I chose to keep him in the friendship zone. He needed to know I was NOT about to be his next conquest in efforts to be a girlfriend. If remaining single was the price I had to pay for that decision, I deemed in worth it because in the long run, I'd save myself emotional attachment and damage.
In conclusion, pay attention to the flags, ladies!
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