Friends...how many of us (are) them?

So this past Sunday my Pastor spoke on the subject, "Friends, how many of us have them?" He came out of the popular passage(s) that highlight Jonathan and David's friendship. Not surprising. What was surprising, however was the spin he put on the text.

Rather than talking about how to spot true friendships, or how to analyze your current circle for true & false friendships...he talked about what BEING a friend looks like. I must say I wasn't ready to look inside myself and my circle and reflect on my ability to friend people.

What's worse is he started off by having us think through the people we've unfriended on social media and why. Right off the bat, I was defensive in thought, mentally telling him to back off because I have my reasons! But it wasn't long before the Holy Spirit, true to its gentle nature, stroked my heart and the reflection began.

Transparent moment:
So I've been struggling, as a single who has lots of married friends, with an issue that I recently took to God for wisdom. Now, I have single friends who I talk to and can confide in for certain things. But for the most part, friends my age are married & with kids (no less). So insert issue here.

Often times when in conversation, I tend to take the quiet role (my nature) and my friends are generally talkative. Opposites attract. No problem there. But I've noticed that during their portion of the conversation everything tends to be smooth. It isn't until I begin to talk & unfold my soul that the interruptions occur.

At first, it wasn't a big deal but then I started to notice how frequently it occurred. Not just within one conversation, but in multiple conversations and with multiple friends. Interruptions involving family members, children, home obligations, etc. Many times leaving them to say, "I'm sorry...hold on..." or "Let me call you back..."
Again, at first it wasn't a big deal. But then when I started to divulge things I deemed important I began to realize just how irritated I had secretly become. I worshipped my irritation, letting it brew and fester; telling myself things like, "just don't even talk anymore, as a matter of fact, don't answer the phone- stay to yourself. Cut people off!" Yes, it got that extreme in my mind. I hadn't explored how to address the issue for the same of being truthful in my friendship, I was ready to socially "unfriend" people.

When Pastor shed light on how friendships (and even married relationships) are not about us getting our needs met, but about putting the needs of others ahead of ourselves; I must say I was convicted. I know I must honor the irritation that naturally rises (bc of pride) in my heart, but I cannot crown it king over my emotions. I certainly cannot worship my hurt feelings by expressing it  in my actions. Instead, I can respectfully share my thoughts and in the meantime continue to put my friends' needs above my own. It's this sacrifice that keeps friendships nourished.

The Love-Respect cycle is what research titles it in relation to marriage. When he loves her, she will respect him. When she respects him, he will love her. It's never about trying to get love or respect, it's about giving it (whether or not the other partner reciprocates or holds up to their duty). When God is glorified, He causes the heart of the other person to change! I love this! But I need Gods strength through His indwelling Spirit to work it out in me. Bottom line isn't my friendships, it's Gods glory!

This is just how being a friend applied for me, what reflections for your friendships might you extract from Philippians 2:3-4? Not for your friends, but for you?

Summer Fling...Part 3

By 4 pm that day, I had hit submit and it was done. I had applied for a job on mere faith. I immediately prayed my fears would subside and I would be content with the idea that I might not be chosen.

Months passed by and I did not receive a phone call nor email. I made plans to continue to focus on my goals for the upcoming school year. I worked as if I was returning to my current assignment. My summer began, and I was swept away physically and mentally by the vacations and events I had planned months in advance.

Midway through the summer, while out of town, I received a voice message that said:

"Hi Kim! This is [so and so] and I'm calling because I'm looking at the resumes on my desk and yours stood out to me. I want to call you in for an interview, if you're still interested in the position!"

My mouth ajar, I pulled the phone away from my ear and looked at it with awe. My resume stood out? Could this be a joke? Did a lot of other people apply? I was certain mine would get lost in the shuffle of more qualified applicants. Later that night, I heard a guy speaking to a group of high school kids and his words of affirmation to them were "Whatever the world uses to disqualify you is the very thing God uses to qualify you!" His words might have never reached any of the 70 kids in that room, those words were just for me. I reflected on them and used my meditation on those words to calm my fears.

A week later, while trying to prepare for the interview, I heard a calm in my Spirit say to "Just trust me"...don't practice. So on the way to the interview, I prayed "Lord, help me to understand that if I am not chosen, it is because of your purpose IN me, not because i'm being rejected personally. Give me the authentic words to say when responding to each question. Amen." Feeling as if I probably needed to pray more, I knew that was all I could pray and I  just silently rode to the interview.

Round 1: 
Three people sat in front of me with page of questions. One of the three knew me personally because I had done some presentations in front of them in the previous 16 months. But as the questions came, I paused and tried to reflect on my experiences as a Program Coordinator for math at my former district and my last 2 years serving the campuses I had been assigned to. 45 minutes later, I was done and relieved. It was over!!
A call came the following day (less than 24 hrs later) and the words came thorough the phone:
"Kim, we absolutely loved you in your interview. You seem to embody all that we are looking for and you had us all in your corner when you said ...." I thanked her and she went on to say, "A candidate came in after you and we decided to go with her because she already had prior Coordinator experience and had been through a curriculum audit. But we thank you for your time...blah blah blah."
It WAS over. I didn't feel an ounce of remorse or regret. I had stepped out on faith and it was proven that it wasn't my season. I let my loved ones know and was content to finish my summer without any pressure.

Round 2:
The following morning, I got a call from the same number that had called me only 17 hours earlier.
"Kim, we could not stop talking about and thinking about you and your interview. We are not content to choose this other candidate without getting more objective vantage points. We want to reinstate you into the interview process and move you to round 2."
Wait, what!!!??? What had just happened? Had God put my name in their minds and changed their hearts? Was he prolonging this faith test? Was it in His purpose after all? There was no time for doubting, I had come this far.
Sunday night, I received a call from my Associate Superintendent, who coincidentally knew me from my previous campus assignment interactions. An hour later, we were done with questions that were more probing and yet again I felt I hadn't given any conventional/traditional answers...only authentic responses based on real experiences.

Round 3:
A call came the following day telling me that I was being moved to round 3 and would be interviewed by a panel of district elementary teachers. At this point, I was exhausted mentally. Over a week had gone by and I just wanted the process to end. I had never been through such a rigorous process of hiring. Up until this point, every hire has been because I've been asked to take a position so interviewing wasn't involved in the process.
Now I sat in front of a Kinder, 3rd and 5th grade teacher,. Two other district personnel sat on the panel taking notes and I sat down at one end of the table what seemed like miles from everyone else. One of the three teachers, again was from a campus I had been assigned to previously and although the face was a comfortable place to rest my attention, the questions from their mouths were the most intense I had ever encountered.

I literally had sweat running down my back for the next 90 minutes as they went around the table 5 times each of them rattling off situation and question after question/scenario. I must have prayed each one of them read their question, because I knew that I had to be authentic and reflect on my previous experiences if I wanted to leave there feeling any type of success. I could not be fake. When it was all over, I got a call the next day and the job was extended to me!

The journey that began with faith, traversed through doubt and fear, yet had ended with purpose! God revealed to me that His favor and faithfulness was the only factors in this process. All of this conspired to show me that He would be the only factor that would carry me through this new season. That leaning and trusting Him would be essential if I were to desire any success. And that's the fling that has taken my love affair with my Savior into a deeper Lordship with Him. I can openly speak of His pursuing love and kindness towards me and it cements my faith that He will do the same in any other areas of my life that He has purposed for me!

Summer Fling... Part 2

With every head that peeked in my door, the question that followed my response was,

"Have you thought about applying? You would make an awesome Math Coordinator!"

As if the news wasn't shock enough, I was taken aback to know so many people thought I was worthy of such a position. What had they seen in me? Why was everyone seeing the same thing? Who put them up to this task?

Earlier in the same school year, I was approached by two principals in separate districts, pleading for me to come and serve their campuses as Math Specialist. Their desire was that I would bring stability and pedagogy to their programs. The temptation to say "yes" was equally there for both of them were excellent leaders with great deal of integrity and I had personally experienced the benefits from being under their leadership. Deep within my heart, something was telling me that I needed to chose only one of those schools to leave and go serve. But even deeper than that, there was a hunch that I needed to complete what I had begun at my own campus.

With much regret and (on one phone call) through tears, I turned both positions down. I continued to calculate a plan to do the work needed for my campus. In the meantime, the District Math Coordinator position closed and I thought about whether my decision was right, but I was content that I had done what I felt the Lord was telling me was appropriate.

A month later, the position opened up again (unbeknownst to me) and this time the volume of people who contacted me tripled. I could name 15 people who reached out to me and told me that I would be 'amazing at the position' and the district, "dumb not to hire me". Little did they know that I still felt inadequate for the task. There were insecurities and gaps that I wanted to be a master at before even seeking that type of position. I relented and went on with my life. At a training held towards the end of the year, an Executive Director made a statement that somehow calmed my initial fear of applying and I pulled up the position on my computer then hovered over the button to submit an application.

Instead of applying , I closed my computer and went on about my day. A friend, later told me, "Kim, I saw you hovering over that button...and I know you. You are a very calculated person. Faith doesn't happen when you are too calculated. Trust God and apply." With tears welling up in my eyes, I let her words sink in, but I decided against it anyways. Before my lunch break, a lady who was once assigned to weekly track my work and support me by any means necessary, pulled me aside and with a serious look on her face, said she needed to talk to me.

Once alone, she said "Kim, I noticed that position opened up again. I've watched you for over a year and I know what your experiences and abilities are. I'm telling you...you are fit for this job. Apply."
For the third time in one day, alone...I was pressed to apply for this position that I didn't completely feel ready for. Could this be the foundation upon which faith is catapulted? Is this the alley-oup that sets one up for a faith dunk? I had felt this feeling before, right before I decided to proceed with writing/publishing a book. Here it was again, starring me in the face- the fear of failing or being rejected...of not being 'good enough'. This time I updated my resume, filled out the application and for hours, kept my screen minimized before hitting the "SUBMIT" button.

Want to keep reading? Click here for part 3

Under Construction- Summer Fling Edition

I came back from my summer vacation and pull up to my house only to notice that huge Tonka trucks had barricaded my driveway. Immediately, disgust filled my thoughts and rage- my emotions! The nerve of these men to inconvenience me with no warning! No letter sent to my house earlier in the summer, no alarm that my water pressure might be affected by the pipes running through the ground in the front yard. NOTHING!

Not only that, but they had dug a huge hole in my front yard and muddied up my driveway. What a mess! For the next few days, from 8am to 8pm the loudly labored - beeping sounds, banging noises and loud talking. All very annoying. I had no clue what they were doing, but I didn't even care to ask because my vision was clouded by the fog of annoyed feelings.

Later that night, my mom casually mentioned that our comfy, cozy, quiet, quaint neighborhood had gone years without any fire hydrants in it. She went on to say that it was a miracle no houses had caught fire during that time. Obviously trying to put out a fire without hydrants can be problematic for the residents in that rural area. Now there is a nearby creek that i'm sure the FD somehow would rely on, but the idea was that the city had finally decided to rectify this issue by planting multiple fire hydrants on our street. THAT was the reason for all of the construction, the inconvenience, the neighborhood entry blocking and lane barricading that occurred that week.

Immediately my rage had subsided, my annoyed feelings dwindled and I felt a little bad for being so enraged by their labor. Not knowing why they were disrupting my patterns, causing me to find alternative routes out of my neighborhood made me feel as if they were evil laborers rather than men being told what to do. But once I was privy to the benefit their labor would bring to my, no longer was my uncomfort coupled with anger, but now I could understand that it was necessary even to be inconvenienced.

Listen, God may be doing a work in your life right now. And that work might not look like blessings and overflow. It might interrupt the patterns you're accustomed to. It might inconvenience you and cause feelings of anger and annoyance. But listen, friend...behind that work...even IN that work- God is AT work for your good. It's His grace this far that has kept fires from consuming you, but now He is bringing rivers of life to that area you've been praying for. Endure the construction, envision what might come as a result of it and be thankful that He sees even what you can't and desires to fix it.

Here's a story of how this practically unfolded in my personal life over the past 3 years up until the present. It's a story of my 2017 Summer Fling <---- ----="" begin="" click="" here="" p="" reading="" so="" to="">

Summer Fling... Part 1

Three years ago, I re-entered the district I once taught in. I skipped through the acceptance process, eager to grow as a Specialist (my current position) and knew that this semi-promotion was going to be an adventure. Unable to find the ability to save enough money to finish my graduate courses, I was hopeful that this new position would not only increase my knowledge base but also my experiences needed to progress in my profession.

Almost three months into my new job, I was serving teachers and students at my assigned campus and loving the chance to weave in and out of classes working with hungry students, meeting with equally hungry teachers for hours after kids had gone home. I was all smiles day in and day out. Until I got a call one night, telling me that my assignment had been changed and that change was to take effect immediately the next morning. With mixed feelings of the abrupt move and the chance to return to my former colleagues/campus, I reluctantly moved my things and reported to my new assignment.

For the next 5 months, I drove to work with a different disposition. I was concerned as to why I had been moved? Was it that I was not being effective? Was it that I was totally effective, and my expertise was needed at my new campus? More than that, I was hurt that I had been forced out of relationships that I had established and made to build new ones mid-year. All my hard work seemed to have just drifted down the drain. Teachers were left in the dark as to why I had left like a thief in the night and I wasn't at liberty to say why.

My new assignment brought new challenges. Daily, I was living off of my sweat for thirst and energized by my grit. Putting in long hours after clock-out time and unable to sleep often for thoughts of plans taunting my mind even when I wanted to disengage. Weekly, it seemed, I would be in meetings presenting my vision and plans for execution to stabilize and bring success to the programs under my leadership. The only bright light in my path was the teachers and students I had built new relationships with. Each teacher was a complete joy to work with and the days spent planning together after school was some sort of reprieve for the torturous burden lying on my shoulders to prove that learning was in fact occurring in this campus.

A year and a half went by and the burden never seemed to lighten. With one feat down there were only more to plan for and strategically implement courses of action to defeat it. Some summers there was no rest and many nights there were tears and sleepless hours. Second winds came with those I presented in front of would praise my efforts and applaud what they thought were amazing action plans and thoughtful approaches to the feats on the table. As great as it seemed to hear such accolades, there still seemed to be a dark cloud heavy over me with the thought that my job would NEVER truly be done.

Another year lay ahead of me as our scores came in and my mind already began to lay out a plan for what goals needed to be attacked, what needs assessed and what action plans put forth? Then an email shot across my screen. My Math Coordinator was informing each of us that she has quickly retiring and entering a different career path. Awe-struck I stared at the screen. I was not ready for her to leave. She didn't know it, but I was studying her behaviors and actions so that one day in the future I could take on a job similar to hers hopefully in another district. It was my 3-5 year goal/aspiration.

Just as quickly as her news scrolled across my screen, a handful of people stopped by my office to peek their head in and see if I was made aware of the news. I assured them I knew and lamented of my shock. What came out of their mouths next, set the course for the test of a life time that would consume my summer...

click here for Summer Fling Part 2

Can't say "No" to that...

With what was a strong desire to please people, feelings of loneliness lurking beneath my smile and a longing to be desired...I was approached with a situation that would put me in a place to satisfy all three of those storms brewing within me. I had already allowed him into my life, my personal head space and used his sweet words to leverage the emotions I was feeling. Now it was time to put my actions where my words had been. He'd suggested that I come over and the strong temptation was to say yes, but I knew I should say no.
I could deceive my true intentions with illusions of grandeur (we will just watch a movie, I'll only allow it to go so far, etc) but I knew (or had been told) that saying "No" might save me more heartache in the long run. What word would I choose?

This is just one scenario that has played out in my life, in the past...but happened over and over again. There are plenty others that still occur on a daily basis. The temptation to lie to a friend, to hate and treat someone with that hatred because of something I believe they've done to wrong me, to hurl an insult in the form of a curse word at someone to prove to them 'I'm not to be played with'...and much more. The real test is whether I will say (or act in a way that says) yes...or no.

There's a huge gap in the understanding of "salvation" with many people who have actually trusted Christ as their Savior at one point or another. Some heard a message in church and was compelled by fear to pray a prayer they knew nothing about. Others may have been at an event where there was a mountain top experience and were moved by emotion give 'give their lives to Christ'. Some, maybe you, heard a person talking about their testimony and connected to the experience shared and wanted to change so after asking various questions, you too 'got saved'.

What I've experienced, however, is many lack the knowledge that cements the Christian faith. Yes, part of the joy of becoming a Christian, Believer, follower of Jesus Christ, 'getting saved'...is the anticipated hope of going to Heaven to be with God. I mean who really doesn't care where they spend their life after death? Or better yet, who doesn't want to be in Heaven some day? Only those who fail to believe Heaven or Hell even exists, quite honestly. But this isn't merely what Salvation is about.

Salvation is more than a 'some day' hope. It's a right-now experience! It's a provision for the days we have left on earth! The forgiveness of sins is huge and vitally important to the trust and faith piece of the process. But the benefit far outweighs just seeing God one day (although that is more than enough). The benefit begins immediately because we have access to a word, we never really considered before.

When a child utters his/her first words, it's typically what word (besides mommy or daddy)?

It's NO! Without any formal training, this word happens to be the first words out of a child's mouth, usually after a parent tells a child what to do (or not do). Yet ironically, it's this same word that we tend to lose the ability to say or do, when it comes to our behaviors that displease God. Actions that we daily engage in (known as sin) that prove to be either immediately dangerous or silently terminal are ones that God says "no" to and yet it seems like all we can do is fall prey to them over and over again. Like a drug habit, when presented with chances to please ourselves or engage in satisfaction that violates the principles of God, we easily and without thought, say "YES!" We cannot help it. Before trusting Christ as Savior...there's no option to say no to your sin nature. You might happen to entertain 'no' to some things, some of the time because of some level of rationale, but there are certainly things that you cannot help but do even when your conscience haunts you about it, in the times when you're alone with your thoughts. No New Year's resolution or commitment to self can stop you from running back to whatever that "thing" is. No, just doesn't seem to be an option for a person who has not trusted Christ as Savior.

Selah. 
What is that 'thing' for you? 
Does lying come fluently for you? Is sleeping around an addiction or something you find yourself doing casually? Is it the ease with which you rattle off insults and swearing-type words at people when angry? Is it the hatred that swells up almost immediately in your heart that you cling to without remorse when someone does you wrong? 
Selah.

The benefit to the Christian life (only accessible to the person who has trusted Christ as Savior) is that God grants us the ability to say "no" to things we once could never say "no" to. Whatever your thing is, when we trust Christ as our Savior, long before experiencing Heaven (life after death), God gives us freedom to say "NO" while we are still yet breathing. "No" enters not only our vocabulary but is an empowered action that is feasible with the help of the indwelling Holy Spirit that God gifts us with at the time we say "yes" to Him.

Rick Warren puts it this way, "But if you’ve accepted Jesus Christ into your life, you can say ‘no’. Romans 8:9 says, “You are not controlled by your sinful nature. You are now controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ living in them does not belong to Christ” (NLT)." 

Your desires might not go away, but your ability to say NO to them, is very present so you can experience life here on earth!

Practical Application:
1. Reflect on the times and circumstances which you daily or consistently say "yes" to.

2. Confess those things!
ie: "God, I say yes to [lying] just about every time it presents itself. I'm sorry for thinking white lies are no big deal. Forgive me for lying and help me to say "no" to lying when given the chance.

3. Read scriptures about [whatever that thing is] and more so, about the power you have to say yes to God and no to everything else. *Romans 8
Even choose a few of those to memorize.

4. Each time you say yes (and you will)...confess it quickly/immediately if at all possible! Ask, again for God to help you say "No" the next time. Repeat this over and over again.

5. Keep a mental record of the last time you said "yes" and watch the time between 'failures' dwindle. Thank God for His power in you  and ask Him to make you more aware of your new ability to say "NO" when the time presents itself!