Love & Affection

It's occured to me that possibly the 'love' I claimed to have was only affection.

My life began with epitome of the demonstration of love explained to me in a way that tugged my heart strings, whispering through its hollow walls the need I have for Love. I accepted, and placed the eternal ring on my finger, ready to show others the Love I had received.

As life took its toll on my heart, I learned about it's character, its where-abouts, its truths and endless possibilities. I saw its affects when given selflessly to others, and the joy it brought to lives who were changed by it. Its gift-like nature made me marvel as I continuet to wrap it up and give it out over and over again.

But then this one time I handed the gift away, was different. I saw how Love drew the heart towards the One I loved, and I saw Love capture the mind of this gift-receiver. But then this person began to give this love back and I was aloof, at first not understanding the nature of this action. I began to spend time with them, communicate with them, share myself, become transparent. And when I opened up, they came in. I began to develop emotional intimacy and a deep & passionate affection for them.

I wanted to be around them every second of my day, and to care for them in special ways. My mind was consummed with their life and well being. But then I became jealous of their time, needy for their attention, eager for their touch, longing to hear their heart and before I knew it, I was no longer in control and found myself seeking for this gift I once longed to only give.

But was it a gift anymore? Had affection disguised itself? Had it camaflouged in order to survive in my heart?

Because I remember Love...it was not attached, nor jealous when others jousted for its attention. It was pure, trusting and unable to recall any wrongdoing. The feelings, emotions, gestures I possessed did NOT fall in line with these measures. I want Love back, because I don't like who i've become. Affection has broken in and stolen all that was precious to me.

Lord, teach me to Love again...I'm through with affection and its twisted ways.