Dating Idols

Between the years of 2000 and 2006, I decided to take an investment in my single life by reading as many books both about 'Preparing for your future husband' and 'Finding the perfect man'. The names of the books will remain nameless in efforts to protect the innocent. At face value, these reads coupled with closely observing and gleaning from women with seasoned marriages, set the stage for the idols that would later defend my quest for adequate dating material. Now, mind you I said 'at face value'. As you read on, don't mistake my comment for meaning that there is no value in reading healthy Christian literature or surrounding yourself with 'the wise' (Prov. 13:20). 

So, during those years and immediately following that, plenty of honorable suitors knocked on my door, and I unconsciously allowed these idols to shut the door in their faces. Now before you start throwing stones (or grabbing your Vaseline and sneakers), don't come for me just yet...hear me out.

Idol #1- They're a Goodie-2-Shoes...
You know the ones...they have it ALL together (or so it seems).
Plan for their life? Check.
Know what they want in the relationship? Check.
Serving in a church? Check. I could go on.
You're probably looking at me like "...and what's wrong with that?" NOTHING!!!
I was too busy expecting this was a cover up; that I was being punk-ed. I wanted my mate to have a little thug in him. I knew I didn't have it all together, so neither could he! If I could do it again, I'd probably just ensure that this type of guy didn't have unrealistic expectations from me, and vice versa. Their life may be a great façade which can be misleading, but maybe they just have a sensitive spirit that stays yielded to the Lord. Bottom line, being overly suspicious isn't fair.

Idol #2- There's something, but I just can't put my finger on it...
When you're so busy looking at the great models of seemingly amazing marriages around you, you tend to nit-pick at what's in front of you. I could have been dating a great guy, but because I was so busy looking at what my seasoned married friends had in their husbands and wanting that in my own potential husband, I missed the chance to praise what was in the man pursuing me. Instead I saw all of the things he wasn't. Bottom line, being critical isn't healthy.

Idol #3- You DON'T have it all together...
I know this sounds like a contradiction to my first idol...BECAUSE IT IS!
[Make up your mind, Kim...goish..] -- I know, I know smh. Idols are tricky like that.
One minute, I can't stand that you might have it all together and the next, I'm upset that you don't. No available suitor was safe. Again, the books I read encouraged me to compose an intangible list. And though I'd swear I "had no list", secretly I did. And it led to my dating demise. Bottom line, being arrogant isn't a good look.

Recently, I was traumatized by a creepy crawler who decided to visit me in the middle of the night while I was sound asleep. Its presence startled me to my core, waking me, and leaving me with a fear so paralyzing that I vowed not to return to my cozy bed that night. The trauma later provoked me to purchase whatever preventative fogs, traps and gels I could find to protect me the following night. Ironically enough, those tangible poisons (as powerful and effective as they promised to be) could not completely secure the peace I was looking for.

These idols caused me to view marriage as a pseudo-safe place where I wanted to be involved with a man who was already equipped to:

Wash me in the Word
Put me in check whenever I was tempted to backslide
Know how to love me unconditionally
Be 100% committed to being committed
..and don't get me started on being a great dad or potential leader in the church, etc!

So, in the same way, I allowed these idols to cause me to avoid any possible problems that might occur later in marriage and might ultimately lead to divorce. My fear of these potential issues was trauma enough to develop these idols that served as preventative measures. What I soon realized was that these intangible idols (my tangible poisons) just wouldn't suffice. God desired to push me into the deep waters to test where I would find true security and peace--in trusting Him, alone.

IDOL BUSTERS:

Buster #1. There are no real Boaz, Hosea's & Proverbs 31 women. Those are characters from the Old Testament that God used to represent characteristics He desires to develop in men who chase after His heart. The solution is to ascertain (James 1) whether a man chases God's heart. Everything else (as far as His character is concerned) will overflow from that simple desire.

Buster #2. There are no perfect marriages. God designed marriage in the same way He designed the relationship between the church and Himself...consistently in a cycle of perfecting, until He returns. To desire a mate who 'has arrived' in their walk, is to avoid the very issues that create situations for us to trust God. The unavoidable frictions found in marriage are merely opportunities for God to perfect the flawed characteristics that lie dormant in our flesh.

Simply put, God is no respecter of idols. He stands jealous of them all. He will pull them down so He may prove to be our true security blanket.