Faith isn't a magic pill

Most of you know that almost a year ago, my family and I were displaced by Harvey. Long story-short, I stepped out on faith and decided to go from leasing to owning. I began the process to get approved (knowing that my credit was less than great) and before I knew it my pre-approval turned into full conditional approval! So, I began building a house (many of you saw pictures on Instagram (follow me: kim_lynnette)) that was expected to take 6 months to finish and so my closing date was scheduled for April 2nd (this coming Monday).

Well, by faith, I went about watching the house be built- checking on it every other day; began to look for furniture and truly getting attached to the house. More than just checking on the house, though, I prayed that the Lord would have His way and either shut down the entire process if it wasn't His will or would go above and beyond, exceeding my expectations (if it WAS). Each month, things got better and every day my prayers got deeper and more frequent. I was totally dependent upon His move in my life. I felt up against a rock and a hard place- no place to live (when His Word promises to meet our needs) and only 6 months until my house is finished being built. What's more? Nothing planned for if things were to go south. But I was super hopeful and while a nerve-wrecking process, it was also an enjoyable one!

Each and every day of the 6 months, I spent concentrated time with the Lord (ironically in Hebrews 11), seeking how I could extend my faith and demonstrate my complete trust in His Lordship. Each day was refreshing, full of reminders of how secure I was because of my willingness to trust Him. Each day was full of His promises such as "those who hope in the Lord, will never be disappointed" and countless stories of those who traversed the choppy waters of faith. The closer we got to closing, however, the less peace I felt about moving forward with this particular home I had grown somewhat attached to.

It didn't add up to me. If I had stepped out on faith, and pursued this home, why would God be asking me to give it up and walk away from it? Wasn't faith supposed to be catapulting me into the house, all while pouring out countless blessings? Why step out on faith (I wondered) if I would only be disappointed (which is ironically exactly what scripture said I would NOT be)?

I began to recount the handful of times in my life when I had made a monumental faith step. Each and every last one of them, God had superseded my expectations and come through in a mighty way. I was encouraged even more so to continue my trek but to also continue to pray and ask the Lord for wisdom. A few weeks before closing (on the home), I truly wasn't at peace with the decision and some calls from my loan officer confirmed that I did not need to go through with this contract. Just like that my faith was somewhat shattered and I felt disappointed for having believed this would cure my living situation.

Much like the story of Abraham who was promised that he would be given a seed through which his descendants would be blessed; after years of faithfully waiting and finally receiving his promise, he was asked to sacrifice it (kill it). As absurd as that thought and task was, Abraham had already gone through enough with God to know that walking by faith was a funny and risky thing. He figured if the same God who promised to bless his offspring through a son, must have had a miracle in mind if He was asking Him to give up the very thing He promised him. And so rather than having a shattered faith at having to give up his son, the scripture says, Abraham rose early and began the journey to the mountain to sacrifice him...and later, rose the knife to slay his only son. All acts of faith. It was then that God shared with Abraham that He could tell that his faith wasn't just a cliche or mere words in a song he sang; but that his faith was real.

A week before closing, I made the call that would somewhat devastate me and leave me temporary homeless- I told the loan officer that I was rejecting the offer on the home. I cannot say that I see where my faith step has led me, because just like countless others, I expected that this house would be my reward. But like Abraham, I've learned that walking by faith is not only what we are called to do, but is risky and uncertain business when dealing with God. Yet, one thing I trust and believe, is that God is the author of "ram in the bush" moments. And though I haven't seen mine, I must declare like Abraham that "the Lord himself, WILL provide..." and leave it at that.

No, faith did not give me the reward I thought it would, but that does not negate the fact that "the Lord rewards those who diligently seek Him" and that "without faith, it is impossible to please God". So I leave the results in His hands and trust His plan for my family. I hope to be able to soon share the blessing He has awaiting us; because He is faithful (even when we are faithless).