My living sacrifice keeps crawling off the altar

Can I just be real? I've been really dealing with God on some life stuff lately and I just wanna share it, ok? You know that scripture about presenting your life as a living sacrifice? Well I mentally agree with the idea of 'laying down' my life, but when the rubber hits the road, that thing just keeps crawling off the altar! What do I mean?

So lately I've been addicted to trying to defeat this new app game called 2048. Although I understand the gist of the game, my calculated movements are often blurred by the random tiles that show up and the frustrating fact that I can't control where those tiles will pop up. Once they appear, I am confident in my ability to do something purposeful with it, but where they will originate from, is out of my control.

 

I've always struggled with the verse in Proverbs 16 about how we can plan out our lives, but God will have the final say (vs 1, 9). To me, why in the world would I want to go through the headache of planning out my life in a wise, detailed manner only to have God step in and decide He wants to go another direction with it? It's like a waist of time. Why read books about how to make wise choices with who I date and build up an image of the type of godly man I desire to marry, only to end up falling in love with someone who God plans on using my marriage to grow that person into who he should be? Why work diligently at necessary degrees to build a financial secure life, only to be overtaken by passion that leads me into a professional path that doesn't offer much financial security at all? What's the purpose?

 

Well I can't say I'm completely done with this struggle, nor can I say that I understand God's ways completely, but one thing I'm learning is not to argue His method. Much like with friendships, He has taught me that holding people with a closed fist (holding on tightly to relationships) is unwise as He is able to remove them or allow them only for a season.

In this same way, I must hold the components of my life loosely before Him. My plans, my dreams, my desires and goals...they can be thoughtfully planned, but to grow so attached to them that I leave no room for His move and authority is unwise. For at anytime, He may decide to change the course of my life and I must trust that His plan is much better than my own.


So I guess I sort of get it. I know the goal in life is to connect the "tiles" God has given me for His purpose. I realize that I cannot take charge of my own life (Jer. 10:23) as I cannot determine where the "tiles" will come from, nor what the end will be like, but I am charged with using wisdom to manipulate the 'tiles' I am given, in a calculated manner. Where does this leave me?

Unsure of whether the kind of romance and future relationship I desire will occur, but knowing that when I ask for wisdom, He will give it freely (James 1:5). I may not have the professional career I planned out, but I love what I do each and every morning I wake up and God gives me wisdom on how to manage the gifts He's blessed me with as a result. For now, I live grateful but I'm much more conscious when I sing "..my life is NOT my own, to YOU I belong, I give my self...to You!"