Friends...how many of us (are) them?

So this past Sunday my Pastor spoke on the subject, "Friends, how many of us have them?" He came out of the popular passage(s) that highlight Jonathan and David's friendship. Not surprising. What was surprising, however was the spin he put on the text.

Rather than talking about how to spot true friendships, or how to analyze your current circle for true & false friendships...he talked about what BEING a friend looks like. I must say I wasn't ready to look inside myself and my circle and reflect on my ability to friend people.

What's worse is he started off by having us think through the people we've unfriended on social media and why. Right off the bat, I was defensive in thought, mentally telling him to back off because I have my reasons! But it wasn't long before the Holy Spirit, true to its gentle nature, stroked my heart and the reflection began.

Transparent moment:
So I've been struggling, as a single who has lots of married friends, with an issue that I recently took to God for wisdom. Now, I have single friends who I talk to and can confide in for certain things. But for the most part, friends my age are married & with kids (no less). So insert issue here.

Often times when in conversation, I tend to take the quiet role (my nature) and my friends are generally talkative. Opposites attract. No problem there. But I've noticed that during their portion of the conversation everything tends to be smooth. It isn't until I begin to talk & unfold my soul that the interruptions occur.

At first, it wasn't a big deal but then I started to notice how frequently it occurred. Not just within one conversation, but in multiple conversations and with multiple friends. Interruptions involving family members, children, home obligations, etc. Many times leaving them to say, "I'm sorry...hold on..." or "Let me call you back..."
Again, at first it wasn't a big deal. But then when I started to divulge things I deemed important I began to realize just how irritated I had secretly become. I worshipped my irritation, letting it brew and fester; telling myself things like, "just don't even talk anymore, as a matter of fact, don't answer the phone- stay to yourself. Cut people off!" Yes, it got that extreme in my mind. I hadn't explored how to address the issue for the same of being truthful in my friendship, I was ready to socially "unfriend" people.

When Pastor shed light on how friendships (and even married relationships) are not about us getting our needs met, but about putting the needs of others ahead of ourselves; I must say I was convicted. I know I must honor the irritation that naturally rises (bc of pride) in my heart, but I cannot crown it king over my emotions. I certainly cannot worship my hurt feelings by expressing it  in my actions. Instead, I can respectfully share my thoughts and in the meantime continue to put my friends' needs above my own. It's this sacrifice that keeps friendships nourished.

The Love-Respect cycle is what research titles it in relation to marriage. When he loves her, she will respect him. When she respects him, he will love her. It's never about trying to get love or respect, it's about giving it (whether or not the other partner reciprocates or holds up to their duty). When God is glorified, He causes the heart of the other person to change! I love this! But I need Gods strength through His indwelling Spirit to work it out in me. Bottom line isn't my friendships, it's Gods glory!

This is just how being a friend applied for me, what reflections for your friendships might you extract from Philippians 2:3-4? Not for your friends, but for you?