Summer Fling... Part 2

With every head that peeked in my door, the question that followed my response was,

"Have you thought about applying? You would make an awesome Math Coordinator!"

As if the news wasn't shock enough, I was taken aback to know so many people thought I was worthy of such a position. What had they seen in me? Why was everyone seeing the same thing? Who put them up to this task?

Earlier in the same school year, I was approached by two principals in separate districts, pleading for me to come and serve their campuses as Math Specialist. Their desire was that I would bring stability and pedagogy to their programs. The temptation to say "yes" was equally there for both of them were excellent leaders with great deal of integrity and I had personally experienced the benefits from being under their leadership. Deep within my heart, something was telling me that I needed to chose only one of those schools to leave and go serve. But even deeper than that, there was a hunch that I needed to complete what I had begun at my own campus.

With much regret and (on one phone call) through tears, I turned both positions down. I continued to calculate a plan to do the work needed for my campus. In the meantime, the District Math Coordinator position closed and I thought about whether my decision was right, but I was content that I had done what I felt the Lord was telling me was appropriate.

A month later, the position opened up again (unbeknownst to me) and this time the volume of people who contacted me tripled. I could name 15 people who reached out to me and told me that I would be 'amazing at the position' and the district, "dumb not to hire me". Little did they know that I still felt inadequate for the task. There were insecurities and gaps that I wanted to be a master at before even seeking that type of position. I relented and went on with my life. At a training held towards the end of the year, an Executive Director made a statement that somehow calmed my initial fear of applying and I pulled up the position on my computer then hovered over the button to submit an application.

Instead of applying , I closed my computer and went on about my day. A friend, later told me, "Kim, I saw you hovering over that button...and I know you. You are a very calculated person. Faith doesn't happen when you are too calculated. Trust God and apply." With tears welling up in my eyes, I let her words sink in, but I decided against it anyways. Before my lunch break, a lady who was once assigned to weekly track my work and support me by any means necessary, pulled me aside and with a serious look on her face, said she needed to talk to me.

Once alone, she said "Kim, I noticed that position opened up again. I've watched you for over a year and I know what your experiences and abilities are. I'm telling you...you are fit for this job. Apply."
For the third time in one day, alone...I was pressed to apply for this position that I didn't completely feel ready for. Could this be the foundation upon which faith is catapulted? Is this the alley-oup that sets one up for a faith dunk? I had felt this feeling before, right before I decided to proceed with writing/publishing a book. Here it was again, starring me in the face- the fear of failing or being rejected...of not being 'good enough'. This time I updated my resume, filled out the application and for hours, kept my screen minimized before hitting the "SUBMIT" button.

Want to keep reading? Click here for part 3