Are dating websites a godly way to find a mate?

A friend asked me a question, one day: "Would you ever date using an online site?" Her question was not a foreign to me. This same question has been debated and discussed numerous times, particularly amongst Christian single circles. But why is this such a stirring question?

Is it wrong to use internet sites to find a mate? Is it unbiblical and therefore morally inappropriate? Does it somehow hinder the Believer from allowing God to be Sovereign? Does it indicate that a single doesn't trust God to find and send their mate?

Or...

Is it a means which God uses to draw people together? Can it be a culturally relevant tool that God sovereignly chooses to help people find each other? Does it even matter to God that His children use this method of connecting?

All of these are the debatable responses I've witnessed. I'm not here to defend one over the other; I am here to emphasize one concept that we as children of God must consider and be sensitive to.
That in seemingly gray issues like this, God is still a black and white God. What I mean is that even the smallest of details of life are important to Him. Nothing is too small, insignificant or too culturally removed for Him to be a part of. He desires to be welcomed into and sought in every decision we make.

James 1 says He will freely give wisdom to us, when we ask. Jeremiah 29:13 says we WILL surely find Him when we seek Him with our entire heart.

So, what's the verdict then, Kim? Is it right or is it wrong? Well that's the unique thing about
wisdom. God is able to give one person the wisdom to make a choice that is fitting, wise and purposeful for their life. All of this, while issuing (different) wisdom for another person that is unique to their life and the glory He desires to extract from it. What's the common thread? That the wisdom He disperses, though different and specific, is shaped for God to gain glory from that persons life. There is no cookie cutter way to remain within the will of God. His perfect will is designed to protect us from our flesh's natural ability to self-destruct. His permissive will allows us freedom to operate in ways that give us opportunity to seek Him for guidance. He is Lord, but He desires for us to choose His Lordship by seeking Him in issues like this.

My preference isn't to use online devices. I also don't care for guys hollering at me in random public places, therefore I'm not inclined to give them my number when they do. Not for religious purposes, it's just that I choose to believe God will and can place me in the right circles with mutual believing friends and places to cross paths with amazing godly men. I also trust He will give me the wisdom to discern their intentions and accept their pursuit. He's proven to do so in the past and though I'm not bound to my preference, it's the method within which I choose to trust God at this point in my life.

I've also witnessed a few friends who have found and pursued their mate using social media and are walking in godly relationship with their mate. I've not yet put myself on a dating website to be found, but it doesn't mean that my choice is more or less godly than my friend who does.

Romans 14 (entire chapter) speaks well of this concept. My favorite part and the culminating message is in the final verses of the chapter, "Blessed are those who don’t feel guilty for doing 
something they have decided is right. But if you have doubts about [whether or not you should eat something], you are sinning if you go ahead and do it. For you are not following your convictions. If you do anything you believe is not right, you are sinning." 

What did YOU get for Christmas?

It's no secret that Christmas time is the season known for purchasing, wrapping and temporarily concealing desirable gifts for those whom you love! You may have picked up on subtle clues all year long by listening to things your loved one wants or needs. Or maybe you blatantly sent out a message (or just asked verbally) the intended receiver what it was they wanted for Christmas. However the approach, after finding out their "list", you eagerly searched and shopped until you found the perfect gift.


And after purchasing it and taking it home, you figured out the best way to wrap it and with sneaky intentions, conceal it until the day it was to be unraveled. But the best part was (and is...if you're anything like me) watching in anticipation as your loved one opens their gift. For there's nothing quite like the look on their face and the expression they exude as  the wrapping paper reveals what they needed and/or wanted. The embrace they cover you with and the thanks they express as they celebrate the reception of their gift.




I must confess, of all the white elephant parties, office parties, family and friends gatherings I attend each year, this part makes me most giddy (second only to wrapping the gift- I am quite obsessed with gift wrapping)! A friend called me a day after Christmas and asked "what did you get for Christmas!?" I chuckled because I felt like a kid being asked that same question, yet I had no logical reply for her. My only reply was, "I didn't ask for anything. I didn't want anything. I only wanted to give gifts..."

"So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him." ~Matthew 7:11 NLT

A few days after this conversation was had, the Lord reminded me how much His desire to give "good gifts" to His children exceeds His desire to receive anything from us. God loves giving gifts to us. He goes to great lengths to hand-craft our gifts, takes great precision in making sure it's specially designed to our need, waits in anticipation for His perfect timing to reveal them to us (at just the right time) and beams at the reaction (glory) that comes when that perfect gift is revealed.

Does He want our worship? YES!
Does He want our lives? YES!
But what's more? He desires to GIVE...

...as evident in:

• His gift of Jesus to us
• His (free) gift of salvation (which is a result of accepting His Son)
• His gift of love (which is evident in giving of His Son)
• His gift of forgiveness and grace
• His gift of peace, joy and blessings in abudance!

"By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life..." 2 Peter 1:3a NLT

My family's dog sits behind this cage (which is really a 'rigged "cage" by way of a Baby Gate); but if you look closely all she has to do is push the cage and it will come falling down, freeing her when she whines to be set free (ooooh that'll preach). In short, everything she wants is at her disposal. For those of us who are Believers, we have much more (EVERYTHING, Peter says) given to us through the indwelling Holy Spirit. It's all, already at our disposal! Freely given.



So Tis the season for giving. Not just that God gave His Son...which is where we take our "giving of gifts from". But the fact that God would much rather give. His very nature IS giving. Let that sink in when you feel that He seems to be simply overseeing things and people being "taken" from your life. Marinate on His giving nature when you seem to be losing one thing after another. Celebrate His giving Spirit when all you can think about is what you DON'T HAVE YET or what you desire in 2015. I'm not preaching the prosperity theory nor promoting you to beg for all that you want and need. I'm simply saying reflect on God's nature...His giving nature--so that you don't slip into thinking He's NOT for you...when in fact He really is (and has always been). The true joy of this season (and namely every season of your life) comes from detailing what He already has done/given to you thus far!

Merry Christmas!! xoxo

Honoring my Pearls

Water colored Pearls are how God can use the tragic, the shameful and the less-than-perfect circumstances of life to create something beautiful.

I’m thankful for the pearls represented in this room, for you each have contributed to a beautiful me. “These older women must train the younger women…” I’m grateful for the seasoned pearls (the Sophias and Phoebes in my life) who live in a way that honors God. Sophia (wisdom) cries out in the streets and encourages me to gain deeper understanding. Mom, Grandma, Shakelle, Mrs. Val, Mrs. Eve and Mrs. Nola…you are my Sophias because you teach me what is good, how to love my future husband and children. I celebrate your wisdom!

Phoebe was a devout leader in the church. Lori, Adele, Nesha…you are my Phoebe because you are teachers of the faith by how you live. Like a trainer in the Olympics, Phoebe was known for standing by in case a believer was in need. Shanta, Lashawn, Monica, you live wisely and pure; you work in your homes and model submission to your husbands. “Then they will not bring shame on the word of God” and that’s what makes you Sophias and Phoebes in my life.

I’m grateful for the pearls who have been formed alongside me (the Priscillas and Elizabeths in my life).  You are the” iron that sharpens my iron”. Priscillas like Casondra, Kitty, Nikkea and Jarvis…you are women known for your wisdom, tact, courage and love. As Priscilla was a partner in ministry to Paul; so have you been to me. Crystal, Netta and Brandy, you are women who are respected for your age, wisdom and character as Priscilla was. Elizabeth means “God is generous”. Quitta, Candace you are representations of God’s generosity and represent respectable women. Tiffany, Kathryn, Shani and Winter…your great faith and trust in God will be rewarded for it has left me in humble amazement as it did for Mary when Elizabeth exemplified great faith.

Kim, “what you have heard in the presence of many witnesses, entrust to faithful wo[men] who will also be able to teach others.” What rare friendships when one generation is bound to another by the cords of love. For this is the relationship Ruth had with Naomi. As for my Ruths; women who exhibit poise, Drew, Leah, Sly and Brina…your quiet fidelity will leave footprints on the lives of others. You are marked with love and loyalty as was Ruth. Much like Ruth, Sasha, Dawn, Kendra…your determination, humility, and serenity cause you to calmly submit to His Divine will.

“Having so fond an affection for you, [I] was well-pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God but also [my] own life, because you had become very dear to [me]”. Lydia wasn’t always a believer, yet when she heard the Word…she was hungry for an experience with God. Such seeking women, passionate in spirit and open to teaching, Linda, Mya, Cintel…you model the heart of Lydia. Diligent in business affairs yet balanced in worship to God, hospitable and set apart, Cyre, Lashon and Qua (Jackie)…I adore the Lydia spirit you possess.

Its’ commanded that we “love each other with genuine affection and I really do. Therefore tonight, I take delight in honoring you”.

James Fortune: Fall from grace or Full of grace?

What do I do with my favorite James Fortune mp3 songs now that I've read about his recent accusations?

http://theb3.net/2014/gospel-artist-radio-host-james-fortune-arrested-charged-assault/

I saw someone say they would never listen to his music again. I have to say for a fraction of a second I agreed with this sentiment. But the Holy Spirit immediately reminded me of two vital factors:

Grace: The world has trained us to use the rising fame of music artist (for example) as a crutch for extending grace. How so? When artists rise to a position of face and status (in the world's eyes...gospel arena included) we tend to figuratively pick them up, and delicately place them on a pedestal to shimmer and shine for us. They become this perfect point of reference when we are in need of solace. In a sense they become our idols. Therefore, we are often hindered from the freedom of walking in grace because judgement (the good kind) is more alive in us. As a result we fail to see that they (like we are) simply allowing the Holy Spirit to work through them when they speak and when they produce music that glorifies God.


We are given seemingly menial tasks such as loving our spouses, praying for our enemies, and taming our tongue. And we possibly feel we are doing just that. But we surely fall short and immediately extend grace to ourselves. Just as quick as we fall short, not a moment later does a justification for our actions coming gushing from our lips, "but she did this; I can't help it, its just how I am; it was the first thing that came out of my mouth." These short comings are of no more hurtful to God as when a gospel artist divorces his spouse or is caught up in domestic abuse.

Truth: When we clearly examine ourselves, we (saints) aren't different in God's eyes? The bible says in Galatians that our sin nature is full of every evil deed (5:19). Meaning the propensity for any sin (little or big in our frail, judgmental eyes) is possible because the desire for it lives (whether much alive or lying dormant) in us. Unchecked and uncontrolled by the Holy Spirit, at any time these desires can (and will) rear their ugly heads. Jeremiah talks about the deceitfulness and depravity of our hearts. It even says we are unaware of just how evil it is (17:9).

The ugly truth is that this same flesh can arise in Pastors and gospel artists alike. We are all responsible (equally) for submitting to the Spirit's leading, keeping accountability around us and being careful of not causing others to stumble. When someone does 'fall' into sin, it is our duty as brothers in the faith to restore them gently (Galatians 6:1), rather than judge them harshly. The warning that comes is not to disown them, but to beware because we are subject to the same temptation!

I'll still jam my James Fortune because I believe when he wrote his songs, he was truly expressing his love and gratitude for what the Lord has done in his life. And I equally feel grateful. But I know I'm not perfect, God is perfecting me and often using my failures (and the grace and forgiveness that accompanies it) to do so.

Top 3 Cliches Christians should NOT use

Often when I'm scrolling down my Twitter timeline, I'll see certain cliches that sort of get under my skin. It's not the cliches in and of themselves, it's moreso when I notice Believers retweeting those statements; namely because those cliches aren't biblical truth. No judgement, I'm subject to believe the same things. I believe God has opened my eyes over time to understand certain truths so there's grace for us all. So if you've believed any of these, I pray you search scripture and ask the Holy Spirit to transform your thinking, so we aren't duped by statement that offer false comfort.
Anyways, here are my top three:








3. Love yourself.
What's meant: People often think loving yourself is the key to allowing others to love you correctly. Its' used as if its the primary step before being able to love others; or the solution to not being so needy for others to love you.

What's true: In actuality, the bible says that we already love ourselves...too much, in fact. We are quite full of pride when it comes to ourselves (check out the number of selfies we take). And those who self-loathe are also full of self, in an unhealthy way. So when it boils down to it, we are lovers of self (2 Tim. 3:2) so it's already built in. Christ simply tells us to love others AS WE LOVE (care for) OURSELVES (Mark 12: 31) implying that the self part is already taken care of. This just leaves the focus of love to others.

I think people mean well, though because they're encouraging women to respect themselves enough to not allow anyone else to degrade or misuse you. However, that is still a task for our Maker. When we find out what He says about us, He washes us with His truth and it becomes our protection.

2. God helps those who help themselves.
What's meant: This can be heard when people are attempting to encourage others to quit waiting for God to cause something to happen. If we simply put our own plans into effect, God will eventually step in the process and bless it or give us what's needed to take it to the next level.

What's true: Let's start with the idea of salvation. At it's ground level, we are in dire need. Romans 5:6 is explicit by sayins "when we are utterly helpless...Christ came at just the right time and [helped us]". And to solidify that, a few verses later Paul adds, "while we were still [in need of help], Christ died for us...". This makes it clear that God was all about helping us when we were unable to help ourselves. This same principle is true when it comes to life in general. 2 Corinthians 12:9 "His strength is made perfect in our weakness..." is an assurance that God is willing to step in once we are willing to surrender our strength and admit our inability.

1. God won't put more on you than you can bear.
*Now I know you're not feeling me on this one. After all...THAT'S SCRIPTURE KIM!!! Right? Well if anything, its a popular Kirk Franklin song that just hits the spot at the right times in life. I know, I know...i'm guilty of jamming the song and allowing tears to flood my eyes. But when I thought about the character of God, I realized, that's not even like Him to hold back from us what we can bear. In my own life, I've felt at my wits end numerous times, and in those times I ran to Him for strength and He comforted me and lifted my head. He later showed me those times were intense for a purpose: my perfecting process!

What's meant: Like I once did, people often lean on this 'comforting' phrase when life gets too hard. They want so much to believe God won't press them too far.

What's true: The scripture we pull this from: 1 Corinthians 10:13 (in its natural context) is speaking ONLY about temptation. Read verses 6-14 for yourselves. God is saying that with His Spirit living within us, though temptations will rise, we have the strength to not indulge and He will even be faithful enough to show us a way out so we will not give in to it. He will keep it from becoming so strong that we that we can actually stand!

What we might want to say, instead is what Paul says in 2 Corinthians 4:8-12... "I feel troubled and oppressed in every way; I suffer so much embarrassments and i'm unable to find a way out; I feel pursued and persecuted...struck down to the ground even. But I am not crushed, nor driven to despair...I'm not deserted/alone nor am I ever destroyed! All of this i'm going through are opportunities for Christ to demonstrate his power and presence in and through me!" (paraphrased).

Why (on earth) would I pray for my enemies?

I'm sure you're thinking, "Oh I've got a prayer for my enemy alright..." I'll let you go ahead and finish that statement. But I heard a pastor say, one Sunday, "who is at the top of your prayer list? ...Is it you?"

It got me to thinking: Wow, I'm sure most of us would admit that we are at the top of our own prayer list; meanwhile another group of us might not admit it, but if we think back to the things we pray about the most--well we are the benefactor of those things.

So then that thought led me to ponder 'what would it be like if our enemy was at the top of our prayer list'. Immediately I whispered to myself, I'm sure our enemies are somehow already at the top of the list because we are probably praying they get "got" by God or some type of retaliation for what they've 'done to us'. Sadly, this isn't what God was referring to when He challenged us to...

"...I say love your enemies, pray for them that persecute you..." Matthew 5:44

How in the world do I pray for someone who is not only being unloving towards me, but who is plotting against and setting up for my demise? Keep in mind, some enemies are simply people who aren't blatantly accusing or attacking us but may silently drawing us to do evil, or even is unknowingly doing things that directly affect us in a negative manner.

So we pray for them by asking God and His angels to come against their plans...

"Pull me from the trap my enemies set for me, for I find protection in you alone." ~Ps. 31:4

After all the battle isn't against them, its a mirage to distract us from the real enemy- Satan who is after our lives.

"For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies (human opponents), but against evil rulers" ~Eph. 6:12

So this frees us up to pray that our 'enemies' would be silenced. We can pray that they be shown the love of God through us. We might pray that God would restore the fellowship or broken/bruised relationship for His glory. We can even pray that our enemy would come to know Him as their Savior.

What's the point though? If I don't feel like doing this to begin with, why do it? To activate the nature Christ has placed in us that causes us to be/act just like Him. To achieve the highest level of holiness and perfection (maturity).

Spotting our fears!

F-E-A-R! The four letter word that we are trained to fight, to resist, to never indulge in.


Fear. The ultimate enemy of anything we pursue in life.

Am I right?

It's the butterflies in our stomach before a huge performance. It's the short-lived hesitation we experience before boarding a roller coaster ride. It's the apprehension we sense right before baring our soul before someone who just might reject us.

I was comforted this week when I read Judges 6-7 about the story of Gideon. Being such a frail man, God chose to use him to deliver His people from the Midianites. Knowing Gideon to be afraid, God still gave him the directive and even made provisions for him in his weakness.

"That night the Lord said, “Get up! Go down into the Midianite camp, for I have given you victory over them! ¹⁰ But if you are afraid to attack, go down to the camp with your servant Purah."

~Judges 7:10

 

 

I was encouraged because sometimes I'm prone to believe that the Lord needs to completely remove my fear or weakness before He begins to work in a certain area of my life. Before He can provide a need for me, or satisfy a desire or even fulfill His divine purpose in my life that I have to wait for Him to fix me. This one scripture would not let me continue to read because I was so lifted to be reminded that ...

 

 

"...for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. ...for when I am weak [in human strength], then am I [truly] strong (able, powerful in divine strength)." ~2 Corinthians 12:9-10

 

 

 

So when God told Gideon "Go with the strength that you have..." (Judges 6:14), I can be assured that God has given me the green light in pursuing dreams and operating in my gifts and talents. That even when my fear tends to flare up, He is there assuring me that it is in that very moment He is present and willing to flex His strong arm. I'm led to believe He delights when I'm afraid, when I'm unsure, when I'm hesitant...because its' then that He can rise up and show off His great strength. It is THEN that He knows He will get the most glory from the outcome!

 

 

[pictures from (gymper.com) and (thefrontierpost.com)]