There I was living my life as a single, doing whatever I wanted to do. Coming when I pleased, going as I desired. If my friends had an event, I didn’t have to answer to anyone to decide whether or not I’d go, or what time I would be home. No responsibilities to anyone other than myself, my job, my money, my bills. Life was grand, or so I thought. I was at my social and personal climax- living in the place of my dreams. A little cozy spot with just the right carpet, a bar and my favorite amenity- a grand size garden tub perfect for bubble baths. The community pool was elegant and had an accompanying party size grill area where I had already hosted a few small socials. The clubhouse was perfect for an upcoming soiree I had planned out in my mind and the gym was a perk in terms of convenience for my weekly workouts.
I was most comfortable with my life and then it happened...
I stepped into my shower to decompress after a long day and
the thought that had crept up into my mind a few times weeks before, found its
way back into my empty thoughts. But this time I couldn’t dismiss it. Tears
streamed down my face because I knew a call was on my life that I could no
longer escape. I tried to push back the tears, but the lump in my throat had
already taken up residence and seemed to fuel more tears and I secretly
surrendered to the notion that I was being called out of my cushy life and into
a selfless abandonment. One that would cause some sacrificial decisions. I couldn’t,
at the time understand, why me? Of all the people in the world, why me? Of all
the ways this could have transpired, why when I’m at my most satisfied place in
life? A week or two went by with no answer and the desire to be obedient was
overshadowed by life’s current realities. Until a phone call came one night as
I sat in my closet tidying up. The person on the other end of the phone had no
idea I had been crying when I answered the phone and yet only after a minute of
small talk, said words I didn’t want to hear but knew were right from the Lord.
She told me to surrender to whatever it was I had been running from and the
waterworks came harder because I knew it was time. Like Jonah, I could no
longer ignore it.
Reluctantly, I surrendered to a series of events that began
to unravel and set this plan into motion. Once I settled into my new place of
residence, I initially grumbled with complaints and questions of why. But
again, my questions went unanswered and so I continued to make the best of a less
than favorable situation. It took a few months, but in my new place, I began to
see life from a lens I would have never seen had I remained in my selfish
palace where I sat on my own throne. Suddenly, in part, it was clear to me-
there were needs that God wanted to meet and He desired to use me as His vessel
in meeting such a need. Isn’t it funny how life has us disillusioned to believe
that when it’s all about us, things must be at their best? Nothing can be
farther from the truth. God doesn’t NEED to use us, it’s His Sovereign choice.
God used Esther to deliver a group of people when she didn’t
initially want to be used. He used Jonah to deliver a message to a group of
people He desired to redeem, despite His initial desire to refuse to take that
message to them. So why use us? Perhaps there’s a sanctifying that occurs when
God does His redeeming work through us. I can attest to the fact that I have
experienced a purer sense of living and yet an accompanying feeling of
abasement by watching God fulfill His purpose through me. One that could not be
experienced had I remained in the mirror primping over my own life.
No comments:
Post a Comment