What it means to be weak

Crutches are often seen as a tool that causes others to recognize the weakness of a person who has experienced an ailment. But when a tree leans on it's supports, it's actually seen as a growth tool. Well crutches are to a ligament what supports are to a tree trunk. The crutch isn't a weakness so much as it is a tool to support a feeble muscle or tree trunk during it's growing process. On it's way towards being strong, it needs support. God wants to be your strength, but you must first allow His Word and your faith to be the crutch that causes you to be "weak" (lean on Him rather than on your own understanding and ways).

I've learned, as a Believer challenged to walk out my faith, that weakness is welcomed in the eyes of our Savior. As He desires to be so much more (our Lord), He exemplifies such weakness in His own 33 years of life.

• When He often stole away to pray or spend some time alone. Luke 5:16

• When He was tempted by satan in the wilderness, yet leaned on the Word from His Father for strength to resist. Matthew 4:1-11

• When He faced death in the garden and pleaded to His Father to "let this cup pass" yet was equally able to surrender to the point of admitting His willingness to allow His Father's will be done over His own. Matthew 26:39-40

These examples have become evident in my own life as I've figured out that faith is more than a belief (for even the demons believe and tremble). Perhaps my faith was only tremble-worthy for so long, because I'm encouraged when I think about the weakness I experience when given a chance to take a step in faith. It's no coincidence that Paul says that he can boast in his weakness, because it's in that time that he finds immense strength 

(2 Corinthians 12:9-10). 

How does one find strength in weakness though? How does one turn away from the pride of wanting to be self-sufficient and instead embrace the weaknesses hidden within the faith walk? Much less, how does one submit themselves to face weakness long enough to experience the strength Paul speaks of?

Well having lost a majority of my possessions in the recent Hurricane Harvey floods that occurred in Houston; things like ottoman, armoire that held clothes, clothes that hung low in my closet, shoes, containers that held jewelry, bed frames, box springs, mattresses, couch sets and coffee tables, towels, washer, dryer, refrigerators, etc.  It's been an humbling situation. I feel like my helpless nephew. I know how to go out and purchase those things again, but the frustration of where to begin sets in; knowing that this was years of possessions accumulated, all lost in a few hours of torrential rain.

This helplessness has caused me to cry out to the Lord in faith. Not knowing how to restore 2 lost cars, a lost home, and possessions needed to fill a home. Where do I begin? So many people asking to help, but not knowing how to solicit their support. The overwhelmed pressure to move out of our displaced house (where we've imposed on family for weeks) and into our own space. The constant pull of various claim adjusters and insurance companies calling your phone or loan officers asking to support you. You fluctuate between whether to ignore calls or answer and when you answer, who do you trust? This is the nature of being weak. Knowing you must make informed and confident decisions, but unsure whether you are doing it correctly.

Then as you call out to the One you know as Savior- who has promised that when you call on Him to forgive sins that He will remember them no more and see you as forgiven. But you experience that He doubles as Lord because He has been working behind the scenes of your life- ironing out the details while you sleep at night. He has actually taken the driver seat and taken you for a ride that you had no idea would encompass such breathtaking scenery. I prayed for certain things before I even knew of an approaching storm. Secretly lifted up desires and needs to Him and yet had in mind how He might bring those things about. But never would I have imagined that He planned to answer those very requests, yet without my input on how He'd bring those answers about.

Yes, I desired to buy a house some years down the road, and take care of my mom by moving her in with me. Yes, I wanted a deeper level of faith in what I know He says to be true. Yes, I want people to see Christ in me daily as I serve them in love. But He would see fit to use a devastating storm to level everything I owned and make me trust His way completely with my hands behind my back, unable to participate in His plan.

Now, finding a home to purchase has nothing to do with me, except to look (knock, ask, seek...Matthew 7:7) and my mother's home is gone so she has to stay with me. His way.

Now, I'm in a position to trust He will provide for me everywhere I look. No trust in my finances or income. The deeper level of faith is staring me in the face. His way.

Now, people look at me week to week and see the sincere smile on my face and hear the joy in my voice and wonder how I can feel at peace when I've lost everything. I get to tell them that My God has me taken care of and that I didn't loose my life so I'm grateful. His way.

This is the strength that is found in being weak. I can stand with Paul, today and say...with the outpouring of support that has surrounded me and my family...the tons of gift cards, donations of new beds, refrigerators, washer/dryers, dressers, full living room sets...all given graciously by people who barely know my mother and I- that I am strongest, when I'm weak! For the Lord has encouraged me that He WILL provide for my family. That I don't have to worry about finding a home within my budget that suits our desires and needs, because He's working that out in the same way He had dozens of people think about my family without my knowledge. He placed us on their hearts and prompted them to give. If He does that, how much more will He provide all things we need? Matthew 7:11

The Wake of Harvey

Typically, I cringe when I think of visiting the wake of a loved one. Seeing their body, possibly, one last time before their casket is closed and their remains are tucked 6 ft under isn't the easiest thing to view.

A week ago today, Harvey took the life, as it were, of my mother's home. It's day-to-day items, furniture, memorabilia, cars and even hoarded belongings, all lying in a casket of bags waiting to be wheeled away and never seen again.

I remember it like the week was only a day ago.

We returned from the safe keeping of my brother's home in Cypress, thinking the storm hadn't proved to be as monstrous as promised. We figured we would wait it out at the house and if (unlikely) any water seeped in, we could be there to whisk it out. So we placed our heads on our pillows around 8:30 Saturday night and listened to the rain as the sound rocked us to sleep. However, that same sound that was just a soothing sound, now startled us and woke us at 1am to find it's constant downpour had covered the surface of our street. It wasn't anything we hadn't seen before yet we lay away listening for hours as the intensity of the downpour was relentless.

 Only two hours later, the water had risen to the edge of our yard which sat up on an incline. Again, not too concerned as we had seen this before and could only hope that soon it would die down and the water would recede. But that was not the case. For 3 more hours it pounded down and the levels rose to our front door, which was remarkable seeing that our house sat on an incredible incline. Now, at 6am, we were faced with whether or not we should do as the News Anchors suggested (stay settled, b/c a little water in the house isn't a big deal) or retreat to a 2nd floor/higher ground which would have to be a neighbors house because we reside in a 1 story home.

We put up, high, the last bit of furniture and belongings and unplugged items before quickly packing essentials and watching water slowly seep in. At this point, we tried calling the posted emergency numbers:
211
311
911
Coast Guard
All of which didn't respond. So we tried our neighbor who happens to be a church member only 6 houses down because she owns a 2 story house. Unable to even contact her, we had to think quick, the water in the house was rising. Undecisive, we stood watching in amazement as the rain thundered down even harder and we knew our window for escape was closing. Our neighbor called back and told us we were welcome if we could make it.

So we took to the window in the front room of the house, opened it, kicked out the screen and the water was there to greet us as we stepped out into knee high rain water. Onto the porch, we shuffled out into the pouring rain and high water strategizing on how to cross the driveway which held a swift current. Creeping along, we held on to branches as the water grew towards our waist and we worried whether we would make it past 6 houses and driveways. We looked up, one house away, and saw some neighbors standing on their 2nd story porch watching us traverse the waters. We begged to join them up high and they welcomed us.

We climbed into a window that sat about 3 feet off the ground by climbing onto a chair they passed to us to place in the 2 feet of water. Climbing into their window we stepped down onto another chair and into the 2 feet of water that had filled their bottom floor. We settled in a bedroom upstairs as they gave us towels to dry off. For the next 8 hours we watched rain fizzle down and heap with intensity, praying the waters would recede, but losing hope as there seemed to be no way out. During those hours, I watched from the balcony of their 2nd floor, neighbor after neighbor leave their home and wade into the waist high water, Westward with their most valued belongings on rafts and inflatable air mattresses. My curiosity was piqued. Where were they going? To a neighbors house with 2 stories or to a safer place? As I glanced down the street in the direction of their travels, I spotted green patches of grass and vehicles not bothered by the rain levels. Could this be a beacon of light and hope?

I devised a plan. We could climb back out the window and wade down the street to this mirage of safety and possibly get a friend to pick us up and whisk up to dry ground. But could someone even find their way to our neighborhood or was the entire subdivision and surrounding areas as flooded as our street? Unsure, I called a friend who lived nearby what she thought and she jumped onboard my plan by saying her neighborhood was untouched and they could possibly make their way to us, if we could wade to the end of the neighborhood.


Eager to not be trapped, we climbed out the neighbors window, waded to our house to try and gather some food that was higher up before retreating from the neighborhood but were met with dangerous feats. First, we opened the door to our flooded house to find smoke filling the living room. Realizing the water had covered the still-live outlets, we felt it too dangerous to proceed and quickly closed/locked the door. We continued our trek in the pouring rain to the end of the street where the water had gotten considerably lower and eventually was walking on unflooded concrete. But my friend was no where to be found and we worried who would rescue us now. Desperately, I flagged down a truck as we stood in the blinding rain outside the neighborhood and it pulled a Uturn to come see about us.

Not knowing we were looking for relief, for they were only searching for food, I asked if they would be able to transport us a block away. In all kindness and sincerity they allowed us to hop aboard the back bed of their truck and whisked us away to my friends dry home. There we were fed and in the meantime, my brother was able to use his phone app to search for dry streets to make his way to us. Now 5pm, and soaking wet, we were finally on the way to my brothers side of town where it was not raining nor flooded. Finally able to take showers and find comfort in clean dry couches, we laid down our weary bodies and rest our worried minds.

From this adventure, though the sound of rain still brings somewhat unsettled hearts, we are left visiting the wake of those things lost. With the sun providing some sort of consolation for the next few days, we were still starring our things in the face as they lay out on the front lawn of our once peaceful dwelling place. We still wept as we traced our steps and glanced over the memories of once laying our head on that bed or sitting on that soft couch being swept away by the the show that once shown on that TV. We reminisced as we tossed out pots and Tupperware that once served to hold hot the food that fed and comforted us. The nostalgia in our minds and hearts lingered as we stuffed large garbage bags with the things we once held dear.

The most popular used scripture at funerals for Believers in Jesus Christ is 1 Thessalonians 4:
13 And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died[a] so you will not grieve like people who have no hope. 14 For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with him the believers who have died.

The verse is meant to comfort us when we lose loved ones. We don't have to mourn as if we will never see them again, because if in fact they are children of God and we too have given our lives to the Savior, we will be reunited in Heaven some day. I experienced this type of comforting feeling when my father passed away. Yes, it was a difficult time to lose someone close, but I didn't have to be overcome by grief because I knew he was in a safe place, able to be delivered from his health issues. And one day, when I too pass away, will be in the same place as he is.

This helps when thinking about lost belongings as well. The things purchased are temporary. They aren't meant to get attached to. They're lost but can be re-purchased and life anew can begin.

Friends...how many of us (are) them?

So this past Sunday my Pastor spoke on the subject, "Friends, how many of us have them?" He came out of the popular passage(s) that highlight Jonathan and David's friendship. Not surprising. What was surprising, however was the spin he put on the text.

Rather than talking about how to spot true friendships, or how to analyze your current circle for true & false friendships...he talked about what BEING a friend looks like. I must say I wasn't ready to look inside myself and my circle and reflect on my ability to friend people.

What's worse is he started off by having us think through the people we've unfriended on social media and why. Right off the bat, I was defensive in thought, mentally telling him to back off because I have my reasons! But it wasn't long before the Holy Spirit, true to its gentle nature, stroked my heart and the reflection began.

Transparent moment:
So I've been struggling, as a single who has lots of married friends, with an issue that I recently took to God for wisdom. Now, I have single friends who I talk to and can confide in for certain things. But for the most part, friends my age are married & with kids (no less). So insert issue here.

Often times when in conversation, I tend to take the quiet role (my nature) and my friends are generally talkative. Opposites attract. No problem there. But I've noticed that during their portion of the conversation everything tends to be smooth. It isn't until I begin to talk & unfold my soul that the interruptions occur.

At first, it wasn't a big deal but then I started to notice how frequently it occurred. Not just within one conversation, but in multiple conversations and with multiple friends. Interruptions involving family members, children, home obligations, etc. Many times leaving them to say, "I'm sorry...hold on..." or "Let me call you back..."
Again, at first it wasn't a big deal. But then when I started to divulge things I deemed important I began to realize just how irritated I had secretly become. I worshipped my irritation, letting it brew and fester; telling myself things like, "just don't even talk anymore, as a matter of fact, don't answer the phone- stay to yourself. Cut people off!" Yes, it got that extreme in my mind. I hadn't explored how to address the issue for the same of being truthful in my friendship, I was ready to socially "unfriend" people.

When Pastor shed light on how friendships (and even married relationships) are not about us getting our needs met, but about putting the needs of others ahead of ourselves; I must say I was convicted. I know I must honor the irritation that naturally rises (bc of pride) in my heart, but I cannot crown it king over my emotions. I certainly cannot worship my hurt feelings by expressing it  in my actions. Instead, I can respectfully share my thoughts and in the meantime continue to put my friends' needs above my own. It's this sacrifice that keeps friendships nourished.

The Love-Respect cycle is what research titles it in relation to marriage. When he loves her, she will respect him. When she respects him, he will love her. It's never about trying to get love or respect, it's about giving it (whether or not the other partner reciprocates or holds up to their duty). When God is glorified, He causes the heart of the other person to change! I love this! But I need Gods strength through His indwelling Spirit to work it out in me. Bottom line isn't my friendships, it's Gods glory!

This is just how being a friend applied for me, what reflections for your friendships might you extract from Philippians 2:3-4? Not for your friends, but for you?

Summer Fling...Part 3

By 4 pm that day, I had hit submit and it was done. I had applied for a job on mere faith. I immediately prayed my fears would subside and I would be content with the idea that I might not be chosen.

Months passed by and I did not receive a phone call nor email. I made plans to continue to focus on my goals for the upcoming school year. I worked as if I was returning to my current assignment. My summer began, and I was swept away physically and mentally by the vacations and events I had planned months in advance.

Midway through the summer, while out of town, I received a voice message that said:

"Hi Kim! This is [so and so] and I'm calling because I'm looking at the resumes on my desk and yours stood out to me. I want to call you in for an interview, if you're still interested in the position!"

My mouth ajar, I pulled the phone away from my ear and looked at it with awe. My resume stood out? Could this be a joke? Did a lot of other people apply? I was certain mine would get lost in the shuffle of more qualified applicants. Later that night, I heard a guy speaking to a group of high school kids and his words of affirmation to them were "Whatever the world uses to disqualify you is the very thing God uses to qualify you!" His words might have never reached any of the 70 kids in that room, those words were just for me. I reflected on them and used my meditation on those words to calm my fears.

A week later, while trying to prepare for the interview, I heard a calm in my Spirit say to "Just trust me"...don't practice. So on the way to the interview, I prayed "Lord, help me to understand that if I am not chosen, it is because of your purpose IN me, not because i'm being rejected personally. Give me the authentic words to say when responding to each question. Amen." Feeling as if I probably needed to pray more, I knew that was all I could pray and I  just silently rode to the interview.

Round 1: 
Three people sat in front of me with page of questions. One of the three knew me personally because I had done some presentations in front of them in the previous 16 months. But as the questions came, I paused and tried to reflect on my experiences as a Program Coordinator for math at my former district and my last 2 years serving the campuses I had been assigned to. 45 minutes later, I was done and relieved. It was over!!
A call came the following day (less than 24 hrs later) and the words came thorough the phone:
"Kim, we absolutely loved you in your interview. You seem to embody all that we are looking for and you had us all in your corner when you said ...." I thanked her and she went on to say, "A candidate came in after you and we decided to go with her because she already had prior Coordinator experience and had been through a curriculum audit. But we thank you for your time...blah blah blah."
It WAS over. I didn't feel an ounce of remorse or regret. I had stepped out on faith and it was proven that it wasn't my season. I let my loved ones know and was content to finish my summer without any pressure.

Round 2:
The following morning, I got a call from the same number that had called me only 17 hours earlier.
"Kim, we could not stop talking about and thinking about you and your interview. We are not content to choose this other candidate without getting more objective vantage points. We want to reinstate you into the interview process and move you to round 2."
Wait, what!!!??? What had just happened? Had God put my name in their minds and changed their hearts? Was he prolonging this faith test? Was it in His purpose after all? There was no time for doubting, I had come this far.
Sunday night, I received a call from my Associate Superintendent, who coincidentally knew me from my previous campus assignment interactions. An hour later, we were done with questions that were more probing and yet again I felt I hadn't given any conventional/traditional answers...only authentic responses based on real experiences.

Round 3:
A call came the following day telling me that I was being moved to round 3 and would be interviewed by a panel of district elementary teachers. At this point, I was exhausted mentally. Over a week had gone by and I just wanted the process to end. I had never been through such a rigorous process of hiring. Up until this point, every hire has been because I've been asked to take a position so interviewing wasn't involved in the process.
Now I sat in front of a Kinder, 3rd and 5th grade teacher,. Two other district personnel sat on the panel taking notes and I sat down at one end of the table what seemed like miles from everyone else. One of the three teachers, again was from a campus I had been assigned to previously and although the face was a comfortable place to rest my attention, the questions from their mouths were the most intense I had ever encountered.

I literally had sweat running down my back for the next 90 minutes as they went around the table 5 times each of them rattling off situation and question after question/scenario. I must have prayed each one of them read their question, because I knew that I had to be authentic and reflect on my previous experiences if I wanted to leave there feeling any type of success. I could not be fake. When it was all over, I got a call the next day and the job was extended to me!

The journey that began with faith, traversed through doubt and fear, yet had ended with purpose! God revealed to me that His favor and faithfulness was the only factors in this process. All of this conspired to show me that He would be the only factor that would carry me through this new season. That leaning and trusting Him would be essential if I were to desire any success. And that's the fling that has taken my love affair with my Savior into a deeper Lordship with Him. I can openly speak of His pursuing love and kindness towards me and it cements my faith that He will do the same in any other areas of my life that He has purposed for me!

Summer Fling... Part 2

With every head that peeked in my door, the question that followed my response was,

"Have you thought about applying? You would make an awesome Math Coordinator!"

As if the news wasn't shock enough, I was taken aback to know so many people thought I was worthy of such a position. What had they seen in me? Why was everyone seeing the same thing? Who put them up to this task?

Earlier in the same school year, I was approached by two principals in separate districts, pleading for me to come and serve their campuses as Math Specialist. Their desire was that I would bring stability and pedagogy to their programs. The temptation to say "yes" was equally there for both of them were excellent leaders with great deal of integrity and I had personally experienced the benefits from being under their leadership. Deep within my heart, something was telling me that I needed to chose only one of those schools to leave and go serve. But even deeper than that, there was a hunch that I needed to complete what I had begun at my own campus.

With much regret and (on one phone call) through tears, I turned both positions down. I continued to calculate a plan to do the work needed for my campus. In the meantime, the District Math Coordinator position closed and I thought about whether my decision was right, but I was content that I had done what I felt the Lord was telling me was appropriate.

A month later, the position opened up again (unbeknownst to me) and this time the volume of people who contacted me tripled. I could name 15 people who reached out to me and told me that I would be 'amazing at the position' and the district, "dumb not to hire me". Little did they know that I still felt inadequate for the task. There were insecurities and gaps that I wanted to be a master at before even seeking that type of position. I relented and went on with my life. At a training held towards the end of the year, an Executive Director made a statement that somehow calmed my initial fear of applying and I pulled up the position on my computer then hovered over the button to submit an application.

Instead of applying , I closed my computer and went on about my day. A friend, later told me, "Kim, I saw you hovering over that button...and I know you. You are a very calculated person. Faith doesn't happen when you are too calculated. Trust God and apply." With tears welling up in my eyes, I let her words sink in, but I decided against it anyways. Before my lunch break, a lady who was once assigned to weekly track my work and support me by any means necessary, pulled me aside and with a serious look on her face, said she needed to talk to me.

Once alone, she said "Kim, I noticed that position opened up again. I've watched you for over a year and I know what your experiences and abilities are. I'm telling you...you are fit for this job. Apply."
For the third time in one day, alone...I was pressed to apply for this position that I didn't completely feel ready for. Could this be the foundation upon which faith is catapulted? Is this the alley-oup that sets one up for a faith dunk? I had felt this feeling before, right before I decided to proceed with writing/publishing a book. Here it was again, starring me in the face- the fear of failing or being rejected...of not being 'good enough'. This time I updated my resume, filled out the application and for hours, kept my screen minimized before hitting the "SUBMIT" button.

Want to keep reading? Click here for part 3

Under Construction- Summer Fling Edition

I came back from my summer vacation and pull up to my house only to notice that huge Tonka trucks had barricaded my driveway. Immediately, disgust filled my thoughts and rage- my emotions! The nerve of these men to inconvenience me with no warning! No letter sent to my house earlier in the summer, no alarm that my water pressure might be affected by the pipes running through the ground in the front yard. NOTHING!

Not only that, but they had dug a huge hole in my front yard and muddied up my driveway. What a mess! For the next few days, from 8am to 8pm the loudly labored - beeping sounds, banging noises and loud talking. All very annoying. I had no clue what they were doing, but I didn't even care to ask because my vision was clouded by the fog of annoyed feelings.

Later that night, my mom casually mentioned that our comfy, cozy, quiet, quaint neighborhood had gone years without any fire hydrants in it. She went on to say that it was a miracle no houses had caught fire during that time. Obviously trying to put out a fire without hydrants can be problematic for the residents in that rural area. Now there is a nearby creek that i'm sure the FD somehow would rely on, but the idea was that the city had finally decided to rectify this issue by planting multiple fire hydrants on our street. THAT was the reason for all of the construction, the inconvenience, the neighborhood entry blocking and lane barricading that occurred that week.

Immediately my rage had subsided, my annoyed feelings dwindled and I felt a little bad for being so enraged by their labor. Not knowing why they were disrupting my patterns, causing me to find alternative routes out of my neighborhood made me feel as if they were evil laborers rather than men being told what to do. But once I was privy to the benefit their labor would bring to my, no longer was my uncomfort coupled with anger, but now I could understand that it was necessary even to be inconvenienced.

Listen, God may be doing a work in your life right now. And that work might not look like blessings and overflow. It might interrupt the patterns you're accustomed to. It might inconvenience you and cause feelings of anger and annoyance. But listen, friend...behind that work...even IN that work- God is AT work for your good. It's His grace this far that has kept fires from consuming you, but now He is bringing rivers of life to that area you've been praying for. Endure the construction, envision what might come as a result of it and be thankful that He sees even what you can't and desires to fix it.

Here's a story of how this practically unfolded in my personal life over the past 3 years up until the present. It's a story of my 2017 Summer Fling <---- ----="" begin="" click="" here="" p="" reading="" so="" to="">

Summer Fling... Part 1

Three years ago, I re-entered the district I once taught in. I skipped through the acceptance process, eager to grow as a Specialist (my current position) and knew that this semi-promotion was going to be an adventure. Unable to find the ability to save enough money to finish my graduate courses, I was hopeful that this new position would not only increase my knowledge base but also my experiences needed to progress in my profession.

Almost three months into my new job, I was serving teachers and students at my assigned campus and loving the chance to weave in and out of classes working with hungry students, meeting with equally hungry teachers for hours after kids had gone home. I was all smiles day in and day out. Until I got a call one night, telling me that my assignment had been changed and that change was to take effect immediately the next morning. With mixed feelings of the abrupt move and the chance to return to my former colleagues/campus, I reluctantly moved my things and reported to my new assignment.

For the next 5 months, I drove to work with a different disposition. I was concerned as to why I had been moved? Was it that I was not being effective? Was it that I was totally effective, and my expertise was needed at my new campus? More than that, I was hurt that I had been forced out of relationships that I had established and made to build new ones mid-year. All my hard work seemed to have just drifted down the drain. Teachers were left in the dark as to why I had left like a thief in the night and I wasn't at liberty to say why.

My new assignment brought new challenges. Daily, I was living off of my sweat for thirst and energized by my grit. Putting in long hours after clock-out time and unable to sleep often for thoughts of plans taunting my mind even when I wanted to disengage. Weekly, it seemed, I would be in meetings presenting my vision and plans for execution to stabilize and bring success to the programs under my leadership. The only bright light in my path was the teachers and students I had built new relationships with. Each teacher was a complete joy to work with and the days spent planning together after school was some sort of reprieve for the torturous burden lying on my shoulders to prove that learning was in fact occurring in this campus.

A year and a half went by and the burden never seemed to lighten. With one feat down there were only more to plan for and strategically implement courses of action to defeat it. Some summers there was no rest and many nights there were tears and sleepless hours. Second winds came with those I presented in front of would praise my efforts and applaud what they thought were amazing action plans and thoughtful approaches to the feats on the table. As great as it seemed to hear such accolades, there still seemed to be a dark cloud heavy over me with the thought that my job would NEVER truly be done.

Another year lay ahead of me as our scores came in and my mind already began to lay out a plan for what goals needed to be attacked, what needs assessed and what action plans put forth? Then an email shot across my screen. My Math Coordinator was informing each of us that she has quickly retiring and entering a different career path. Awe-struck I stared at the screen. I was not ready for her to leave. She didn't know it, but I was studying her behaviors and actions so that one day in the future I could take on a job similar to hers hopefully in another district. It was my 3-5 year goal/aspiration.

Just as quickly as her news scrolled across my screen, a handful of people stopped by my office to peek their head in and see if I was made aware of the news. I assured them I knew and lamented of my shock. What came out of their mouths next, set the course for the test of a life time that would consume my summer...

click here for Summer Fling Part 2

Can't say "No" to that...

With what was a strong desire to please people, feelings of loneliness lurking beneath my smile and a longing to be desired...I was approached with a situation that would put me in a place to satisfy all three of those storms brewing within me. I had already allowed him into my life, my personal head space and used his sweet words to leverage the emotions I was feeling. Now it was time to put my actions where my words had been. He'd suggested that I come over and the strong temptation was to say yes, but I knew I should say no.
I could deceive my true intentions with illusions of grandeur (we will just watch a movie, I'll only allow it to go so far, etc) but I knew (or had been told) that saying "No" might save me more heartache in the long run. What word would I choose?

This is just one scenario that has played out in my life, in the past...but happened over and over again. There are plenty others that still occur on a daily basis. The temptation to lie to a friend, to hate and treat someone with that hatred because of something I believe they've done to wrong me, to hurl an insult in the form of a curse word at someone to prove to them 'I'm not to be played with'...and much more. The real test is whether I will say (or act in a way that says) yes...or no.

There's a huge gap in the understanding of "salvation" with many people who have actually trusted Christ as their Savior at one point or another. Some heard a message in church and was compelled by fear to pray a prayer they knew nothing about. Others may have been at an event where there was a mountain top experience and were moved by emotion give 'give their lives to Christ'. Some, maybe you, heard a person talking about their testimony and connected to the experience shared and wanted to change so after asking various questions, you too 'got saved'.

What I've experienced, however, is many lack the knowledge that cements the Christian faith. Yes, part of the joy of becoming a Christian, Believer, follower of Jesus Christ, 'getting saved'...is the anticipated hope of going to Heaven to be with God. I mean who really doesn't care where they spend their life after death? Or better yet, who doesn't want to be in Heaven some day? Only those who fail to believe Heaven or Hell even exists, quite honestly. But this isn't merely what Salvation is about.

Salvation is more than a 'some day' hope. It's a right-now experience! It's a provision for the days we have left on earth! The forgiveness of sins is huge and vitally important to the trust and faith piece of the process. But the benefit far outweighs just seeing God one day (although that is more than enough). The benefit begins immediately because we have access to a word, we never really considered before.

When a child utters his/her first words, it's typically what word (besides mommy or daddy)?

It's NO! Without any formal training, this word happens to be the first words out of a child's mouth, usually after a parent tells a child what to do (or not do). Yet ironically, it's this same word that we tend to lose the ability to say or do, when it comes to our behaviors that displease God. Actions that we daily engage in (known as sin) that prove to be either immediately dangerous or silently terminal are ones that God says "no" to and yet it seems like all we can do is fall prey to them over and over again. Like a drug habit, when presented with chances to please ourselves or engage in satisfaction that violates the principles of God, we easily and without thought, say "YES!" We cannot help it. Before trusting Christ as Savior...there's no option to say no to your sin nature. You might happen to entertain 'no' to some things, some of the time because of some level of rationale, but there are certainly things that you cannot help but do even when your conscience haunts you about it, in the times when you're alone with your thoughts. No New Year's resolution or commitment to self can stop you from running back to whatever that "thing" is. No, just doesn't seem to be an option for a person who has not trusted Christ as Savior.

Selah. 
What is that 'thing' for you? 
Does lying come fluently for you? Is sleeping around an addiction or something you find yourself doing casually? Is it the ease with which you rattle off insults and swearing-type words at people when angry? Is it the hatred that swells up almost immediately in your heart that you cling to without remorse when someone does you wrong? 
Selah.

The benefit to the Christian life (only accessible to the person who has trusted Christ as Savior) is that God grants us the ability to say "no" to things we once could never say "no" to. Whatever your thing is, when we trust Christ as our Savior, long before experiencing Heaven (life after death), God gives us freedom to say "NO" while we are still yet breathing. "No" enters not only our vocabulary but is an empowered action that is feasible with the help of the indwelling Holy Spirit that God gifts us with at the time we say "yes" to Him.

Rick Warren puts it this way, "But if you’ve accepted Jesus Christ into your life, you can say ‘no’. Romans 8:9 says, “You are not controlled by your sinful nature. You are now controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ living in them does not belong to Christ” (NLT)." 

Your desires might not go away, but your ability to say NO to them, is very present so you can experience life here on earth!

Practical Application:
1. Reflect on the times and circumstances which you daily or consistently say "yes" to.

2. Confess those things!
ie: "God, I say yes to [lying] just about every time it presents itself. I'm sorry for thinking white lies are no big deal. Forgive me for lying and help me to say "no" to lying when given the chance.

3. Read scriptures about [whatever that thing is] and more so, about the power you have to say yes to God and no to everything else. *Romans 8
Even choose a few of those to memorize.

4. Each time you say yes (and you will)...confess it quickly/immediately if at all possible! Ask, again for God to help you say "No" the next time. Repeat this over and over again.

5. Keep a mental record of the last time you said "yes" and watch the time between 'failures' dwindle. Thank God for His power in you  and ask Him to make you more aware of your new ability to say "NO" when the time presents itself!

Who you talking to?

Have you ever been included in a prayer circle or part of a prayer group and as you're listening to the person giving thanks to God for His glorious attributes, praising Him for who He is and declaring His promises, out of no where that person begins to talk to Satan?

It's like three sentences in, after loving on God, how are we all of a sudden talking to Satan? Telling him how his plan won't work, how he has been rebuked and cast out? My friend once told me talking to yourself makes you sound and look crazy. But i disagree, I think talking to Satan sounds crazy.

Coming boldly before the throne of grace is a privilege granted by Gods grace (Heb 4:16) and welcoming Satan into that conversation is a contradiction to our act of even approaching God. Approaching the Lord in prayer is an act of submission, dependence, faith. It's crazy to me to change our posture in prayer to talk to Satan.

I remember my mom summoning me when I was younger and inquiring about something I was guilty of and in defense (no doubt out of guilt) I would raise my voice and blurt out some retort. Without skipping a beat, my mother would address the disrespect in my tone and words by using one phrase, "Who you talking to?"

 I envision my time spent communing with God as sacred. The Lord inclines His ear to His children. I see myself entering a private place where only those who know Him are welcome, bowing before Him with humility yet lifting my requests up in confidence and faith. How then would I turn my words offered up to my Lord (while Jesus intercedes for me) and turn a sacred privileged moment into a conversation with my enemy? I sense the Lord raising His eyebrow and with indignation saying "Kim, who you talking to?"

Now I know most people would defend their communication with Satan as a modeling after Jesus' confrontation with Satan in the wilderness (Matthew 4:11). Proving that Jesus used the Word to speak to Satan and so should we. Personally I would rather enjoy communion with and maintain focused interaction with Him who is able to work on my behalf than talk to someone whose sole purpose is to get back at God by attacking my life. I'd rather cling to the one with Power and exercise my faith in His work allowing Him to handle my enemies.

What I do, however believe in, is talking to myself. Galatians 5 describes the brutal reality of the flesh man who dwells inside of us. This enemy is more than enough to destroy me without the help of Satan. Just glance over the obvious things our flesh-man are capable of in verses 19-25. We are easily led away just by our own desires...stop giving Satan so much credit. Yes he's the prince of the world...temporarily. He might even orchestrate temptations but he is not omniscient (every where). Our flesh man is always with us and we (Believers with the indwelling Spirit) are battling our natural desires daily.

I pulled out of my neighborhood and right into traffic. Ironically (or not) I pulled up behind a nice SUV and immediately almost without effort, my mind and desires got to stirring. I began to wish I was driving that vehicle rather than the one I was currently in. Nothing wrong with a natural fleeting thought like that. Had I let it linger, however and began to entertain it, I would have entered into envy (a fruit or evidence of our indwelling flesh). Envy is simply wanting something someone else has, for yourself. I would have begun to complain about my current car (the very one that only a few years ago was a blessing to me) and grumble about why everyone else seems to get what they want expect for me. Envy, complaining and grumbling...sin. Three sins in one thought, with almost no temptation necessarily from Satan. All desires of my flesh.

Instead of dwelling on the desire for a new whip, I chose to say (out loud) "in all things be thankful, for this is the will of God." And "thank you lord for the blessing you provided for me 4 yrs ago, for keeping me in it with good gas mileage and a vehicle sufficient for my current season." It set my perspective back on what's important. Not wanting for more, but being content in whatever circumstance I'm in (Phil 4:11).

So yea I prefer talking Truth to myself (not Satan). It keeps me focused on the importance of meditation of Gods Word, and how critical memorizing it, is for my health. I'm my biggest enemy and if I can speak the Word to myself and keep my mind focused on Him then I stay encouraged. There's a song by Tri-City singers that says "Sometimes you have to encourage yourself..."
Speaking the Word brings healing, it goes on to say. Well Proverbs 18:21 promises we will reap the rewards of speaking Life from our tongues. Who YOU talking to?

What's so "good" about Good Friday?

I remember hearing this question a while back and thinking...

WHAT'S SO GOOD ABOUT GOOD FRIDAY?

• What's so good about a man and a woman taking their relationship to the level of marriage?
• What's so good about rescuing an abandoned animal?
• What's so good about adopting a child who's parents have abandoned them or died?
• What's so good about an adult child taking a leave from their job to take care of their elderly parent?
• What's so good about a mother dying in childbirth only for her child to survive?
• What's so good about a man rushing to the aid of his fallen child and tending to his bruises?

All of these "good" acts are selfless to some degree. One person sacrificing their lifestyle for the well being of another. 

We tend to think that Jesus was beaten, mocked, persecuted and crucified by men. That Good Friday depicts the horrible thing man did to him. What could be so "good" about that?

But what ACTUALLY happened on "Good Friday" or the day that all of these horrific things happened to Jesus is that He was actually ensuring that these things happened TO him. He was seeing to it that the plan God put in place before the beginning of the World was played out to perfection. 

Yes, man was NOT inflicting pain upon Jesus (although at face value that's exactly what it looks like); but Jesus was allowing a series of events to play out, that were already planned. He was seeing to it that every detail fell into place: 

• His arrest (John 18:4 & 9) "..knowing everything that would happen to him..."
• Escaping stoning and instead being crucified (John 18:32)
• His scorning and mocking (Isaiah 53:7)
• The dividing of His clothes (John 19:25)
• He would be given water & with a hyssop (the same branch used to put blood on the doorpost in Exodus which symbolized His sacrifice.) (John 19:28)
• He gave up His own life (they didn't take it) (John 19:30)
• His legs wouldn't be broken (John 19:33 & 36)

Do you see it? The "good" thing? Jesus' suffering was so that I wouldn't have to suffer the eternal consequences for my own sins (inability to be good). Jesus wants us to see that every detail was planned ahead of time. Every thing that happened on that day, was Him LAYING DOWN his life so you could spend eternity with Him and in the meantime experience real true life on earth. He knew we wouldn't be able to consistently be "good" and any'goodness' that happened to come from our lives would fall extremely short of His expectation of holiness, so He took charge of the situation. 

What's so good about Good Friday? That these events didn't happen TO Him, but that He orchestrated them and oversaw them so that they would occur and did that so that God's anger towards us would be satisfied...FINISHED...over!

When this whole ideal of JESUS DYING FOR YOUR SINS moves from a concept that you understand and pattern of thought that you know, to a truth that you embrace it will change your life. You'll realize that you cannot earn heaven; that nothing you can do is good enough for God to 'let us in'. Otherwise we minimize all the things HE ALLOWED TO HAPPEN TO HIM. That's good news. 

Summer Mission Trip

This summer I'm excited to have an opportunity to go on two mission trips. One will encompass me teaching at a Church Conference while the other will involve me singing at a camp in Alabama
Although I obviously have the means to support myself on both trips, I'd be remiss if I didn't extend an opportunity to you, to join in on the work God desires to do in the hearts of those we come in contact with. Supporting others financially allows you to meet the needs without physically attending.

My first mission trip will last from June 12-16 in St. Marteen and cost around $800 for flight and around $700 for room/board.

My second trip will begin June 19 through 22 on Alabama at no cost to me.

I'd love to include you in the support raising process by extending an opportunity to you to donate to this mission. You can quickly and easily give via my PayPal link: paypal.me/StMaartenMission

I'd also solicit your prayers as I prepare my classes and heart to meet and share with those I come in contact with!

 Thanks!
Kim

Grace for the Road

Exiting 610 today in my normal hasty manner (gracing people with my courteous signal) yet impatiently wanting those in my way to JUST MOVE and let me drive! Nothing new. I know my way around town and therefore when I'm ready to switch lanes and exit. I know which directions I will turn and what the speed limits are in various areas around town. So if people will just do their driving foolishness behind me or when I'm not around, leaving me to be the road "demon" that I can be at times; then I will be fine. However, that isn't the case. It seems that every Molasses-driving human, every "I'm-not-quite-sure-this-is-the-turn-i-want-to-take Driver" and every "I-must-keep-my-hands-at-10-and-2-whilst-keeping-my-foot-on-the-brake Driver" plans to get on the road and locate me where ever I am! And it drives me nuts!

Now the sweet Kimmie within bites her bottom lip mentally screaming "TURN ALREADY!!!" trying her hardest not to lay on the horn. She tries with everything inside of her not to roll down the window and mean-mug the driver as she passes them up. Some days she might annoyingly swerve her wheel in a swift movement to go around them and with petty intentions jump back in front of them so as to prove to them that she isn't the one to jump out in front of and drive slowly. After all, she's got somewhere to be...even it means she's just going home! How can someone really drive 30 MPH anyways? Seriously?

Well, here's the deal. When I'm out of town, in unfamiliar territory I can honestly admit that I'm not quite the "demon" I described above. I typically google map my destination and spend a few minutes studying the route before leaving my hotel room/getting on the road so as to familiarize myself with my surroundings, exits, etc. But generally, I'm still not as versed in the details of the roads as I am in my home town. Whether streets only run one direction or have those silly 'roundabouts'; that kind of stuff.

But no matter how 'prepared' I try to be, I'm still at a grave disadvantage. I can easily be the person some native [insert city of your choice here] honks at, shakes the middle finger at or speeds around to prove that i'm in their way. I find myself at the mercy of those drivers. Now I could care less about the obscenities they shout at me or the rude gestures (after all road rage-rs ought to be able to be served the very things they dish right? It's only fair); but I'd like to be shown a little grace seeing that I didn't know that this was a turn-only lane. Or that this lane means you MUST exit NOW! How was I supposed to know that you CAN turn on red at this specific light? Give me a friggin' break!!!!

So I say all of that to say that today, before I got ready to let some guy who was hesitant to move over into my lane as I was trying to exit, have it; instead I thought about my first-time-in-a-new-city woes. And instead of banging my hands angrily on the steering wheel and mumbling "what are you doing?" under my breathe, I extended grace to him. The exact same grace I remembered that I would need had that been me in unfamiliar territory. Not long after I exited the freeway, God reminded me that it is with that type of reciprocity that we should seek to give grace to others.

Ephesians 2 talks about the grace extended to us. Grace that overlooks the filthy rags Isaiah (64:6) describes us to be. It's a slap in the face when compared to how unworthy of God's forgiveness we all are. But Romans 5:8 breaks down the immediacy of His grace:

"He presented himself for this sacrificial death when we were far too weak and rebellious to do anything to get ourselves ready. And even if we hadn’t been so weak, we wouldn’t have known what to do anyway. We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him." (The Message)

Having understood and received that grace, it is pertinent we extend that same measure of grace to others. We need it daily, as do those who interact with us. The person who gets on our last nerve at work, needs grace in the same way we need it from our spouse because we may be getting on theirs at home. The family member or close friend who did us wrong needs grace extended to them in the same way we need it from a loving Holy God who remains in relationship with us despite our sin that breaks fellowship with Him daily. 

Bottom line: be careful not to walk around as if you are always driving in your native city. Because YOU'RE NOT!!!!

"The Lord has told you, ·what ·he wants [the Lord requires] from you:
to do what is ·right to other people [just],
    love ·being kind to others [mercy; lovingkindness],
and ·live humbly, obeying [walk humbly with] your God." (Micah 6:8 Expanded Bible)