Friend Zone-d

Ever had that not-so-bad looking friend ask you out? Or even been on a date with someone and at some part during the evening, realize that this is someone you just want to be friends with?
Hollywood would coin that relationship as "They're just not that into you".

I'm not sure if you've ever been Friend Zone-d by someone you wanted 'more' with. It's an humbling feeling. Well, let me back up a bit. When you're used to friend zoning potential significant others, the feeling of making that decision seems quite numb. All you know it you just don't feel about them, the way they feel about you.

But oh when the tables are turned, and you finally see what it feels like to be Friend Zone-d, then a wave of humility floods over you. Feelings of rejection, hurt and maybe even pride swell up within. I'm ashamed to say I'm guilty of Friend-zoning some great guys! And though I can't help but feel bad that I couldn't conjure up romantic feelings for them, I must admit I didn't like the way I felt when it first happened to me. After daydreaming about that person, seeing yourself with them, developing feelings for them and engaging in conversations, its quite a severing that occurs to your heart strings. A sobering of your feelings at best.

This video sums up the idea that Jesus is often "Friend Zone-d" by Believers...yes...His own children. Despite the price He paid to transform our status from enemy to friend, and how that should drive us to desire quite the Lover's status and promote an intimate relationship, we have found ways to keep Him at (an unhealthy) distance for our 'benefit'.

Jesus isn't losing anything, unlike those apathetic relationships described above, WE ARE! By friend zoning someone who cares so much for us, we cut ourselves off from the lifelong benefits He's longing to lavish upon us, the floodgates of Heaven He's waiting to open up for us, the riches and glory He's prepared for us!

Get to know Him, spend time with Him, consult Him, adore Him, obey Him...these things will woo Him, cultivate intimacy and thus promote Him to Spouse status! Get Jesus out of the Friend Zone!

Modern day slavery

In honor of Black History month and the celebration of the abolishing of slavery, it might be a good time to turn our attention to other forms of slavery that need to end. 

A close friend of mine is so passionate about trafficking and is totally involved in the efforts against sex trafficking in Houston (in particular). As she involves herself with volunteering at safe houses and increasing awareness, I've learned much about the insides of this form of slavery. 

Human trafficking is compelling a person (by force or deception) into forced labor, domestic servitude or sexual commerce. Or simply enlisting someone (particularly a minor) into trade. 

It's exploitation, a violation of rights, having control over a vulnerable person by way of coercion. In short, its recruitment through deception for exploitation. 

I heard a pastor say "the enemy is trafficking us". If you think about it, it sounds a lot like his game plan: recruitment of vulnerable persons, through deception by way of their weaknesses to exploit them and lead them towards spiritual and eventually physical death. Our lusts lead us astray, but he provides the temptation (lure), deceiving us into believing we need something to satisfy our longings. Something better than, or quicker in satisfaction than what God provides. He plans to enlist us in his servitude, trading our virtue for destruction. What he's doing to God's creation is exploiting us in efforts to make God look bad; he's violating our rights to the freedom bought for us by the blood of Jesus; he seeks to have control over us by way of coercion. 

Don't allow yourself to be recruited, deceived and eventually exploited. Trust the God who desires to pursue, woo and win over your heart; who desires a personal relationship with you for eternity; and who wants to empower you to live free until He returns to redeem you. 

In love...

I can't help but write, I'm living in overflow. And no, I'm not talking about monetary blessing, I'm talking about love.

Yes, this is February and though love is prevalent in every season, it is most celebrated this month. The worship of the secular version of love has almost become pagan-like as stores turn various shades of red almost right after the new year, ladies anticipate expensive gifts and dreamy proposals while men seek to figure out which one of their "special lady friends" they should shower with attention and which ones they should conveniently dump.

It's so commercialized that more often than not, females are left in a comatose state of near depression if no one is knocking on their door with flowers, shoving candy down their mouths, comforting them with large cuddly teddy bears or simply blowing up their phone with gooey love emojiis. It's that bad!

Restaurants are packed on this special night and weekend, playlists are created and played for that special someone, romantic rendezvous are frequented and babies are made...all in the name of "love".

Well, I was shown true love tonight. While at one of the lowest points in my life, some friends (who may have been placed in my life for a season, reason or lifetime) unexpectedly arrived at my house tonight to help me with a quite daunting project that I have been entrusted with. Of their own initiative, they offered their time, energy and resources all while taking my well-being into consideration. Setting their own comforts and lives aside, they expended the last few hours of their hard working day on my behalf.

Earlier today, I was asking God how I could lavish love on someone or just others, this 'holiday season' in honor of Valentine's day. Not loathing in self-pity over the lack of a 'significant other', not hanging out with my closest girlfriends as we laughed over appetizers and talked about our crushes, not even caking with perspective boo's over text. How could I sacrificially offer my time and energy for someone in need. How could I be a conduit of God's love to someone who was on the brink of giving up and throwing in the towel. And before I got my answer, there was a knock at my door, and the precedent was set.

This is Love: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters....not that we loved God, but that He loved us. (1 John)

I'm grateful for these friends and the way they modeled love. They both exemplified & personified these truths of 1 John- the fact that we don't physically "see" God but when people give of themselves for others, as He gave His Son for us, people ARE ABLE TO, "SEE" God and know what His love is like.

~In love...

Silver Lining Playbook

What do you see? Young lady or old hag?

What about now? A vase or two faces?

Okay, one more...silver lining or dark cloud?

Our eyes don't always play tricks on us. Sometimes, our mind is just programmed to see things a certain way based upon our experiences.

Things in this life we face, either fall into the category of negative or positive. Curse or blessing. Good or bad. Of course this is only true in the physical realm. When we spend time basking in the presence of our Lord (time in His word, understanding His ways, worshipping His greatness), we end up adopting His mindset about the things we face in our lives.

I find it ironic that the Lord asked us to "only believe", to "have faith" and to not depend on our sight. Perhaps He knew that our perceptual vision can often be blurred, not quite "20/20" (if you will) and ultimately THAT vision will fail us.

Let's take for example the men in Numbers 13. God had promised His children would live in Canaan. He literally told them, He was giving them that land (vs 2)! Only 26 verses later (some 40 days later) those men came back to report on what the land was like. Yes, there was bountiful land, flowing with milk and honey & luscious fruits (vs 27) but all they could see were the "giants" living there (vs 28, 31) and immediately they felt defeated. What they didn't "see" was that their faith should have been on the promise because then instead of seeing a dark cloud (the giants), they would see the silver lining (that God would give them victory).

Maybe all you can see in your life is failure after failure, valleys come quicker and longer than mountain tops, and constant defeat. Go back and visit God's promises towards you. Perception in our lives as believers is everything. Jesus challenges us with these words, "Blessed is He who doesn't see and yet still believes." (John 20:29)

Let's not forget that 'whatever the enemy means for evil, God intends for good' (Gen 50:20). God is able to use your failures, defeats and valleys to accomplish His victorious purpose in your life! View your failures, valleys and defeats from a silver lining vantage point knowing & believing that God has purpose in everything He both does & allows in our lives. That purpose is for good, a future & hope (Jeremiah 29:11)!

~Be Refreshed

Perfume won't cover a musty odor

The summer of 2013 brought about a series of events that led me to purchase a used 2011 White Toyota Corolla. Much to my dismay, the car had only been used as a rental car but although there was a "no smoking" sign on the windows as clear as day, it was very obvious renters had lit up quite a few times.




What annoyed me the most, was that the dealers tried to convince me that the gas stained interior problem could be solved with something as simple as a Febreeze car odor device.

What frustrated me more, was my own foolish act of buying not one, not two, but three of those silly car vents AND a floor deodorizer in hopes that maybe they were right (when in the back of my mind, I knew it couldn't be true).

A week of Lavender scented trips went by and all I could think about was a saying my momma used to say to my siblings and I. Whenever we tried to put on deodorant or perfume/cologne without taking a bath, she would wisely say "Deodorant and Perfume won't cover up must". What she meant was that deodorant and perfume were meant to compliment cleanliness. Their purpose is not to take away the odor that comes with filth.

If you're anything like me, you can write a list of sins I'm in need of forgiveness for in a span of an hour (60 minutes of my day). We talking about things I knew I should have done but didn't, things I thought, attitudes I felt and words I've said. Although I'm a believer, my flesh still exists and often gets the best of me. No amount of good deeds I do in a day's time can alleviate the wrong that is exudes from my life on a daily basis. I'd toil in vain and run myself crazy even trying. Good deeds only cover up our filth, they aren't able to take away the odor and stain of our sins.

To rid my car of that cigarette odor, I had to take my car to a car wash that specialized in full interior detail. I couldn't run through one of those drive-through car washes or even one where I cleaned it myself. I had to drop my car off, go sit inside for an hour and let them go to work on cleaning the vents, shampooing the carpet and airing out the car.

I had to take my car to people who were experts in doing what it took to remove the stains from the inside of my vehicle. Jesus Christ's payment on the cross is our "Full Service" detail. His service was not only the payment needed to wash away the final penalty for our sin-sick hearts, but also the complete work needed to forgive us and cleanse us daily (down to each minute) and repeatedly for the things our flesh still lures us into. We must take our habits, faults, and failures to Him so He can remove the guilty stains of our sins.



A friend of mine would put it like this "keep short accounts with God"...which simply put means, ask for forgiveness frequently and consistently. This way our good deeds will be Him working in us to compliment, like the sweet aroma of perfume, the bath He's already given to our hearts.

~Be Refreshed

Are we there yet?

As a teacher, I remember having various groups of students that were entrusted to me from August to May. Sometimes these groups were highly gifted, sometimes they came with colossal academic gaps and extreme social deficiencies. And strangely enough, sometimes they included an awkward combination of the two.

I attended trainings that taught me what the expected outcome for my students was (regardless of their situation) and how much I was accountable for making sure those students reached (and even exceeded) those expectations.

As a degreed professional, although I was given various resources to work with, it was my task to develop a plan as to HOW I would accomplish this feat on a daily basis. What environment would I create? What motivation tactics would I use? What amount of energy and passion would go behind my efforts?  All of these factors rested on me as the district and state anticipated the 'miracle' I would perform to ensure my students met the annual expectations.

Lately I've been consumed with the "how's" and "why's" of God's plan for my life. Almost to the point of distraction, frustration and even close to anger because I can't "see" what He's doing. Like an anxious child in the back seat on a road trip, I'm sure (if it was possible) I've annoyed Him with all of my questions,

"Daddy, why?"
"But how?"
"When will we get there?"

But like the patient Father that He is, He's continually & lovingly told me to "have several seats"! (laughing). He has an expected end for His children. One of predicted victory over trials, great expected outcomes and conquering of fears! And if this isn't news enough, He has a track record and history of un-defeat! He's not only reached His expected outcomes, He's been known to exceed them!
 
Sometimes I pray for something that's in accordance with His will, and He uses the most unseen, unexpected paths to make sure He accomplishes 'good' in my situation. How he gets his children (whether we are meek and frail or scarred and seasoned) to these expected victorious outcomes, is HIS favorite part! As a skillful architect, a patient potter, a meticulous sculptor, He uses His abundant resources, His exceedingly high thoughts and miraculous ways to accomplish His feats in our daily lives. The environment He creates may NOT be what we deem suitable, His tactics may not make a lick of sense to us, but the amount of energy and passion that He expends on our behalf goes far beyond our wildest imagination as He effortlessly turns our hopeless situations into ornamental masterpieces for His glory!

Oh to 'stand still and see the salvation of the Lord'. He stands eagerly awaiting for us to cast our fears upon Him, leaving all the factors to Him, so while flexing His strength, we may rest in Him!

Make God BIGGER!

¹ I will praise the Lord at all times.
    I will constantly speak his praises.
² I will boast only in the Lord;
    let all who are helpless take heart.
³ Come, let us tell of the Lord’s greatness;
    let us exalt his name together.

⁴ I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me.
    He freed me from all my fears.
⁵ Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy;
    no shadow of shame will darken their faces.

~Ps. 34:1-5

 

When I was younger, we used to play around with a magnifying glass for the wrong reasons. We thought it would be fun to let the Sun shine through it in efforts to magnify the heat intensity on the blade of grass we held it over. In the process it often amazed us how we could see things that were extremely small at a more regular size. What was more captivating & funnier than that, was holding the magnifying glass to someone's regular sized eye, and seeing a colossal version of their eye. 

 

Troubles, anxieties, trials, helplessness, fears...they are all AMPLIFIED when they arise in our lives. They consume our thoughts, control our emotions, take over our dispositions and motivate our behaviors. They are present for a reason, but those listed are NOT why they arise.

 

Our praise is a magnifying glass of sorts. Not that God NEEDS to be magnified...He is already great & mighty. He desires us to magnify Him so that when our problems seem to inflate in size, bringing worry, anxiety and doubt He will be viewed as the Great and Mighty entity that He is.

 

When we shift our thoughts back on God (from our problems) and focus on His grandeur; when we tell others about the amazing things He has done for us; when we meditate on the victorious and compassionate words He has spoken to us...we hold the magnifying glass over our God thus making our issues minuscule in size.

 

The purpose of our 'valleys' are to give us an opportunity to "look to the HILLS (to the Lord) from which comes our HELP (strength in tough times)" [Ps 121].